Wordless Wednesday
(great idea taken from Jennifer and others)
Monthly Archives: April 2008
Among Other Things, Winter Is Now A Stalker
It’s snowing.
It’s April 28th and it’s snowing.
It’s snowing huge flakes of snow.
This is not ok.
It appears that my letters to winter have done nothing but piss him off to an unprecedented level, that now apparently involves following me from state to state. For that Wisconsin, I am sorry.
The one silver lining to this is… well it is sort of funny. (ducking from the rotten tomatoes being thrown at her by readers)
These are some emails I got today after I emailed my friends: “Please look outside. Then give Mother Nature the finger.”
Shelly responded with “Im already out of my chair, bent over with my pants down and my butt pressed against the window! Take that you little @#$%!”
and Richelle said “I called my mom and she says she prayed that I would have the worst winter ever so I would want to move to Texas, she didn’t think God would take her so seriously.”
Hang in there folks. It should stop snowing by June. OK maybe July. Then again this might be the first year ever that the 4th of July fireworks are snowed out.
“Mommy, can we go to the pool today?”
“Sure honey! Don’t forget your mittens and your new sled!”
Maybe then my office mate would finally believe in Global Warming. Yeah I’m not holding my breath either.
The Land of 10,000 Lakes and a REALLY Good Time
This past weekend, Ben and I traveled up to Minneapolis to see some of my college friends. My friends Jen and Clay have a son Jake who is exactly 2 months older than Ben. And he has SUCH cool stuff.
It was great fun, despite the rocky beginning. Translation: the Road-Trip-From-HELL. I won’t give you the play by play because trust me, there are parts you are better off not knowing. I will tell you it included, in no particular order:
- torrential downpours
- the child saying after just ONE hour of the 4 1/2 hour car ride “Are we there yet?” and when he was told him we had another 3 hours to go, I thought the guy was going to puke.
- massive traffic jams in the middle of nowhere that made the once 4 1/2 hour trip, close to 6 hours
- roads that we needed to take being closed
- a visit to a ghetto Walgreen’s
- and yet more traffic jams.
The next morning, good ole Minnesota welcomed us to her fair state with this wonder of nature:
Clearly Winter and Spring still haven’t figured out whose turn it is to control the remote.
Please keep in mind that when we left Madison it was 71 degrees. PMS much Spring? Therefore my child had no coat, was wearing shorts and I only brought these shoes.
So yeah. That was fun.
Since doing anything outside was out of the question, we made the GREAT decision to take the boys to The Mall of America. Ah, MOA. Such a place of serenity. Of calm. Of happy parents, quiet children and such reasonable prices. The Mall has this power that as soon as I stepped through those magical doors, the spirit of “Kmart Mom” came rushing over me. Suddenly I grew bad frizzy bleached hair, was wearing green eye shadow, smacking on my gum, carrying my coupons while wearing uncomfortable pumps and tights jeans. All the while screaming at my kid that if he didn’t “SHUT UP HE WAS GONNA BE HEARIN’ ABOUT IT IN THE PARKIN’ LOT REAL SOON!”
We did manage to get through the Nickelodeon Universe park without injury. The boys drove the bumper cars and later Ben and I went on the Log Chute. I don’t care how old that ride it, it still rocks!
Finally, when I thought I was the only one that was having sensory overload issues, Jen said through clenched teeth “If we don’t get the hell out of here soon I’m going to scream!”
Then there was Saturday night. I soon realized, you can take the girl out of the sorority but you can’t take the sorority out of the girl.
Fifteen years may have gone by since our hey days at Kappa Alpha Theta, but you wouldn’t have known it by looking at our moves on the dance floor that night. It was as if a time machine took us back to 1993 and we were lookin’ goooood. Although I blew my 21 year old cover when I muttered to Anne “I’m going to be so sore tomorrow…”
There is something about being around friends that have known you for such a long time to make you feel centered. Plus, those are the only group of people who call me solely by my last name and still ask if I’m a vegetarian.
We will be back up there soon but first a written legal contract needs to be drawn up between Jen, Clay and I that states they will NEVER again subject us to the horrors of The Mall and my liver needs to do some serious recovering.
A Letter To Ben’s Future Wife
Dear Future Daughter In Law or Little Becky as we like to call you,
(Oh I know you think that it’s really weird but Ben and I think it’s so cute!!!)
Hi! How’s it going with my kid? Good huh? Sorry about his really crooked teeth but when he was little it was either buy gas at $4 a gallon or orthodontia and well, I had to get to the mall and my pedicure appointments!
But he’s a great husband, isn’t he? Wanna know why? Because I shaped him up good!
*When he wanted to eat his granola bar while going to the bathroom, I said “ah, no.”
*When he wanted to get a tattoo of a panther playing a guitar with the words “ROCK ON!” on his bicep, did I rush him to the nearest tattoo parlor? Noooo! I said “Um, maybe wait until you are 20. You might change your mind about the design.”
*When he would just dropped his dirty underwear on the floor, I would make him pick it up and put it in the laundry room.
*When he would leave his dishes out, I would make him put them into the sink.
*When he put the ice cream in the sink instead of the freezer, well then I didn’t actually say anything because hey, life is hard and confusing.
*The one time that he didn’t hold the door open for me, I pitched such a fit, he did it EVERY TIME since then. With a smile.
*The guy actually likes to clean the toilet. So whatever he might tell you, don’t let him get away with not doing it.
Really. You are welcome. There is no need to thank me. I’ll just take 3 grandchildren. Preferably at least one girl. Oh and could you name her Anna after my grandmother? Thanks!
You know, I think me living with you guys is really working out well. Don’t you?
Much Love,
Ma
Oh and p.s. we are out of Diet Coke and Ben and Jerry’s S’mores ice cream. You know how I can’t go to sleep without that stuff. Oh and for some reason my TIVO isn’t recording Rock of Love Season 20. Can you fix it? Um soon?! That poor Brett Michaels still hasn’t found his love. It’s just so sad. Thanks lovey!
