Dear Lego Star Wars,
Hi. How’s it going?
First I would like to congratulate you on your super cool toys. Really. Well done. My kid and many of his other 8 year old friends – well it’s like crack to them. I’m not sure how you do it because looking at those Super Death Star Anakin Trooper Rogue Shadow ships does nothing for me. But you get my kid in front of that aisle at Toys R Us and it’s all “OH MY GOD MOM LOOK AT THAT! SWEEEEEEET!” Ah what? I didn’t hear you because the pretty Barbie an aisle over just winked at me. I think she wants me to come look at her new shoes.

And LSW, can I ask? Do you have kids? I’m guessing not. Otherwise you wouldn’t make these super sweet concoctions with 1,500 itsy bitsy teeny weeny pieces. Because dear LSW, THIS is what happens when said 8 year old boy opens up this SWEEEEEEEET birthday gift.

No, this isn’t in the safety of his bedroom. This is in the living. Right in the middle of the living room. Fun right?
Ever had one of those pieces lodged between your pinkie and 4th toe? So. Much. Fun!
Ever step on one of these suckers in the middle of the night but you can’t scream to the high heavens because you don’t want wake your kid, so you mutter every obsencity you have ever heard in a whisper? Good times there!

Also when my child, after hours of trying to build this ship himself, finally looks at me with desperation and says “Mom, can you help?” I look at him as if he has just spoken Cantonese and say with a blank stare, “Ah, I can help by making you a snack!”

You see, I don’t DO Lego Star Wars. I do Barbie’s hair, and I can dress up a Build A Bear with the greatest of ease. If you need someone to set up your Webkinz animal online, I’m your girl.
But putting together the Battle Trooper Clone Wing Fighter Darth Vadar Ship… nope. Not me.

So dear Lego Star Wars, again super cool toy but could you either start making them with just 3 huge pieces or at least have it come with an instant Geek Guy that can sit with my son for hours and help with him this super cool gift. Oh and if he was cute, single and a Democrat that would be SWEEEEEET!

Sincerely,

I’ll Be Sending My Podiatrist Bill To You

Here in Wisconsin we take our German Sausages very seriously. So serious in fact, that we honor our brats twice a year in a festival known throughout the world as (queue the music) BRAT FEST!

Thank god I have until Labor Day to get rid of my brat baby. And lose the 20 pounds I put on just this weekend.

God Bless Wisconsin.

Sometimes there are bad days where everything goes wrong. Those days suck.

Happy 8th birthday to the coolest kid…

To the goofiest kid…

To the sweetest boy…

To the sportiest little dude…

To a great friend…

To a very creative guy…

and the best son a mother could ever wish for.

Whenever I hear you say “My mom said…” I feel so lucky and proud that I get to be that person. Your mom.

Happy Birthday Baby!

Now please. Stop growing up. That’s an order!

Ben has been playing soccer for 3 years now.

And I’m sorry but there is nothing cuter than this kid in his soccer uniform. I mean LOOK AT HIM!

Look out David Beckham… this young gun is coming after your title…

On the way to our friends house for dinner, Stella called to find out if we were on our way.
After I got off the phone with her, I said to Ben, “That was Stella. She’s so darn cute. I love her.”

To which he replied in all his 8 year old cockiness, “Well then why don’t you marry her?”
“Well for one, she’s my friend. Secondly, she’s too young for me and third, she’s a girl. So legally I can’t marry her, even if I wanted to.”
“Why not?”
“Because President Bush and his people say it’s illegal for boys to marry boys and girls to marry girls.”
“You mean like when people are gay?”
“Yep. Like Jason and Joe.”
“JASON AND JOE ARE GAY?!?!”
“Yes honey.”
“You mean THEY KISS ON THE LIPS??!”
“Yeah, I’m sure they do.”
“Wow! I didn’t know they were gay. “
“I thought you knew that. Does it bother you?”

Ben sits and stares out the window for awhile taking this all in.

Then he says in a very serious voice. “No. I don’t care. I think it’s dumb that they can’t get married though.”
“Me too. It’s SO DUMB and sad. Makes me mad.”
“Hey Mom? When Bush isn’t the president anymore, can they?”
“Oh I hope so honey.”
“Like when Obama is President?”
Sigh
“Yes. Like then.”

When I was little, my mom invented a game called “Shipwreck” This was when we didn’t want to leave the house to get food for dinner but we really had nothing in the house to eat. It was either due to the weather, sheer laziness or perhaps lack of money. We would scrimp and scrounge through the cabinets to come up with some fun concoction.

Last night Ben and I invited our own version of Shipwreck.

We were both at loose ends. I was crabby which made him crabby. Yes I have that power. It’s one of my many.
It was looking like the end result wasn’t going to be good. Especially when I asked the most annoying question on earth. “What do you want for dinner?”

To which the following dialogue ensued.
“What do we have?”
“Not much. We need to go to the grocery store.”
“UGH! I HATE GOING TO THE GROCERY STORE!”
“Wow. That’s a shock. But we have nothing for dinner or for your lunch for tomorrow. You can pick out whatever you want… (and then the mom light bulb went off) as long as it’s under $21″
“$21? Why?”
“Because that’s all I have.” I said with a smile.
“What do you mean?”
“That’s all the money I have.”
“Oh my god Mom! That’s all you have? Even in the bank?”
“Yep!” I said with a laugh so he wouldn’t think I was going to sell all his toys in order to heat the house.

And it worked. He smiled with these wide eyes of fascination.

OK so I fibbed a little. But I did it in the spirit of adventure! I mean it was semi true. That’s all the cash I had on me. Doesn’t that count? And really, isn’t there is something exciting about heading off to the grocery store with only $21 in the whole world and needing to get food? No? I’m insane? Oh. Well so be it.

So off we went with ideas flowing.
“What about cereal?” Ben said
“Well cereal can be expensive. But we can get the generic stuff. That’s cheaper.”
“And some fruit is cheap.”
“Not these days. We’ll just check it out and do the math in our heads.”

We got to the store and laughed out loud when we automatically went for the cart. “We won’t be needing that” I chuckled.
Ben said “We might not even need a basket!”

Even though we go to this store quite often, this time it seemed different. New somehow. We searched high and low for the best deals. Strawberries at $4 a carton were out of the question. But bananas at $.57 a pound were just the thing. And just look at how many we could get!

We got everything we would need for the next two days and cautiously proceeded to check out.

“Self service?” I asked to my partner in crime.
Ben with a serious thoughtful face said “Yes! Because then we won’t be embarrassed if we have to put something back.”
“Ha! NICE thinkin’ kid!”

As we were checking ourselves out we were like two teenagers at a Justin Timberlake concert. Laughing and squealing with everything that ran up. Who knew checking out groceries could be so much fun?!

“OK here come the yogurts.”
“ACK! The cereal is a lot!”
“Oh my god Mom! We are at $13.52!”
“And we still have my Lean Cuisine for lunch! Are we going to make it?!”

And we did. When the total came out to $20.43. Ben and I, despite the line behind us, did a high five and took our $.57 change with glee.

We walked out to the car laughing like we had just robbed a bank and so happy with our two bags of groceries.

I honestly think if anything, it was a good lesson to Ben that money doesn’t grow on trees. Or on shopping carts.

On the way home, Ben said “Mom, we should be this broke all the time.”
Oh ha ha ha… ah… NO!

Ben had his friend birthday party yesterday.

It was a lovely and modest affair.

Educational and useful gifts were given. And all the children sat still and very quiet as the shy birthday boy opened these wise gifts.

I would like to take a moment to publicly thank my friends Shelly and Emily for their strength, generosity, for not leaving me alone with the Wild Things and mostly for their sheer ability to make the insane, somewhat sane. Because of them, I didn’t run out of the bowling alley, arms flailing wildly, screaming obscenities as I played hopscotch on the busy street outside.

I believe for Ben’s 9th Birthday I will suggest that he can take one very special friend to the library. Where if they are very good, they can each check out TWO BOOKS!