Monthly Archives: May 2008

A Letter To Lego

Dear Lego Star Wars,
Hi. How’s it going?
First I would like to congratulate you on your super cool toys. Really. Well done. My kid and many of his other 8 year old friends – well it’s like crack to them. I’m not sure how you do it because looking at those Super Death Star Anakin Trooper Rogue Shadow ships does nothing for me. But you get my kid in front of that aisle at Toys R Us and it’s all “OH MY GOD MOM LOOK AT THAT! SWEEEEEEET!” Ah what? I didn’t hear you because the pretty Barbie an aisle over just winked at me. I think she wants me to come look at her new shoes.

And LSW, can I ask? Do you have kids? I’m guessing not. Otherwise you wouldn’t make these super sweet concoctions with 1,500 itsy bitsy teeny weeny pieces. Because dear LSW, THIS is what happens when said 8 year old boy opens up this SWEEEEEEEET birthday gift.

No, this isn’t in the safety of his bedroom. This is in the living. Right in the middle of the living room. Fun right?
Ever had one of those pieces lodged between your pinkie and 4th toe? So. Much. Fun!
Ever step on one of these suckers in the middle of the night but you can’t scream to the high heavens because you don’t want wake your kid, so you mutter every obsencity you have ever heard in a whisper? Good times there!

Also when my child, after hours of trying to build this ship himself, finally looks at me with desperation and says “Mom, can you help?” I look at him as if he has just spoken Cantonese and say with a blank stare, “Ah, I can help by making you a snack!”

You see, I don’t DO Lego Star Wars. I do Barbie’s hair, and I can dress up a Build A Bear with the greatest of ease. If you need someone to set up your Webkinz animal online, I’m your girl.
But putting together the Battle Trooper Clone Wing Fighter Darth Vadar Ship… nope. Not me.

So dear Lego Star Wars, again super cool toy but could you either start making them with just 3 huge pieces or at least have it come with an instant Geek Guy that can sit with my son for hours and help with him this super cool gift. Oh and if he was cute, single and a Democrat that would be SWEEEEEET!

Sincerely,

I’ll Be Sending My Podiatrist Bill To You

The Face Of An Eight Year Old

Wordless Wednesday

An Ode To Thy Bratwurst

Here in Wisconsin we take our German Sausages very seriously. So serious in fact, that we honor our brats twice a year in a festival known throughout the world as (queue the music) BRAT FEST!

If you look up the word “bratwurst” in Wikipedia you find Madison Wisconsin!
The city of Madison, Wisconsin, holds an annual festival billed as the “World’s Largest Brat Fest“. The four-day charity event sees tens of thousands of brats sold by “celebrity” cashiers, usually local television, radio, and government personalities. Brat Fest’s self-proclaimed world record is 189,432 brats consumed during the 2004 event.
For all of those that don’t live in Madison Wisconsin and aren’t familiar with the insanity and gluttony that is Brat Fest, allow me to explain.
It first started many years ago as a very simple and diminutive affair. It was just a small stand with maybe one grill outside a local grocery store that sold brats and hot dogs for ridiculously cheap prices. It was something like $.50 for a hot dog and a pop and $1 for a brat and a pop.
My father loves my mother, Ben, myself and Brat Fest. In that order. It would be sometime in mid May and the man would all the sudden get this goofy grin on his face and say “You know what’s comin’ up don’t you? BRAT FEST!”
Ben happened to be born over Memorial Day weekend. I brought him home from the hospital with my parents close by. Until my dad realized what weekend it was. This proud grandpa knew the one thing missing from this homecoming was brats. “Who wants a brat?!?” he said eagerly.

Ah yes. Nothing says I want a brat like just having gone through 12 hours of labor, 2 1/2 hours of pushing that resulted in an emergency c-section, spending the past 4 days in the hospital to now be staring at this baby who people tell me is mine but I’m really just waiting for his real parents to come and get him. But off my dad went. Because HELLO!?!? Brat Fest doesn’t happen just everyday ya know.

Throughout the years Brat Fest expanded. Very slowly at first but steadily. Soon the little stand became a bigger stand. And then eventually a tent in the parking lot of this grocery store. Until a couple years ago when Brat Fest just couldn’t handle it’s awesomeness anymore and finally exploded into this!


Yes folks. It is a full on FAIR who’s sole dedication is to The Brat! There are bands. There are rides. And there are beers tents (duh! It’s Wisconsin! Hell someone sneezes in the summer and that’s reason enough for a beer tent)
The gourmet menu is as follows:
Johnsonville Brat $1.50
Oscar Mayer Hot Dog $1.50
Double Johnny $3.00 “New This Year”(A Double Johnny is two juicy Johnsonville brats on one bun)
Boca Brat (vegetarian) $1.50

I hope I didn’t send someone into cardiac arrest from just reading about the “Double Johnny”.

We, of course, attended Brat Fest this year. It’s actually a state requirement. Really. When filling out your taxes at the end of the year, you have to show a ketchup stain from your Brat Fest experience otherwise you get a penalty from the state.

Thank god I have until Labor Day to get rid of my brat baby. And lose the 20 pounds I put on just this weekend.

God Bless Wisconsin.

A Really Good Day

Sometimes there are bad days where everything goes wrong. Those days suck.

But then, just sometimes, there are days like Ben’s birthday. Where everything goes right.

Where the temperature outside is perfect. Just a few fluffy clouds in the sky, no bugs, 72 degress with no humidity.

Where all your favorite people show up for the party.

Where you find an empty picnic table right by the playground in a very busy park.

Where the birthday cake melts in the sun but everyone laughs instead of cries.

Where friends and family are gathered together to celebrate a wonderful boy’s birthday.

It was a good day. A really good day.