If I think about my love life anymore, I will begin to cross the street without looking both ways.   So instead I blatently stole a great idea from my Cousin Sister Amy and interviewed my one and only. 

Me:  Hello Sir.  I’d like to ask you a few questions if that’s OK.

Ben: OK fine.

Me: Can you please state your full name?

Ben: Benjamin Richard

Me: And how old are you?

Ben: Eight years old. 

Me: How old do you wish you were?

Ben: Ten.

Me: Why do you wish you were ten?

Ben: Cuz!  Ten’s my favorite age.

Me: Huh.  OK well what is your favorite thing about 3rd grade and school in general?

Ben: Recess.

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Ben: Um.  Hmmm.  Um.  A stay at home guy.

Me: What?  What is a “stay at home guy?”

Ben: A guy who stays at home.

Me: OK but what would you do for money? 

Ben: I would work for people.

Me: (scratching my head) Let’s move on.  Do you think your mother is pretty?

Ben: Yes.

Me: If I gave you 10,000 dollars right now, what would you do with it?

Ben: I would buy a car and one million Puffles.

Me: But you can’t drive.

Ben:  I’d save the car until I could.

Me: Right.  Anything else besides a car and one million Puffles?

Ben: Nope.

Me: Where are you going to college?

Ben: Either Michigan, Minnesota, Wisconsin or Ohio State.

Me: Who is your best friend?

Ben: I have two. Aaron and Dhruv.

Me: What is your favorite thing to do on the weekend?

Ben: Play video games and watch cartoons.

Me: How are you liking this interview so far?

Ben: On a scale of 1-10, I give it a 2.

Me: Would you rather have a puppy or a baby brother?

Ben: a puppy

Me: Do you ever want a baby brother or sister?

Ben: Yes, I do.  I can play video games with them and football.  I think it would be fun.  I do.

Me: I better get going then huh?  OK moving on.  Do you know what a “Cool Mom” is?

Ben:  Yeah.

Me: Am I a “cool mom”?

Ben: Yeah.  Sure.

Me: For my final question, can we go back to what you want to be when you grow up?

Ben:  OK.  Either a cop or an author.

Me:  (audible sigh) Much better than a “stay at home guy.”  We call those guys couch potato, unemployed losers.  So, those are all the questions I have for today.  Since I often have nothing of meaning to write on this here blog, can I interview you again sometime?

Ben: Yeah.  Sure.

Wordless Wednesday

I’ve been known to not always make the best decisions.  Shocking right?  One of those “Not So Smart Ideas” was on Friday.

Remember when I wrote the post about my lovely dating life?  Remember how I said Bachelor #2 was on Facebook?  Remember how I put as my Facebook status that day “Becky answers the question ‘why are you still single?’ http://www.talesofmikkimoto.com/2009/02/20/single-in-the-city-part-3/“.   Remember how I wasn’t smart enough to delete B #2 as a friend until AFTER this fiasco described below? 

Yeah.  Two + Two = Becky So Busted.

Around 2pm on my lovely day off, while catching a quick nap before I had to pick up Ben, my friend Lisa called and woke me from my slumber with a tone only heard by dogs,  “OH. MY. GOD!  Have you read this!?  Are you on Facebook now!?  Bachelor #2 read your blog and is PISSED!”  

Wha?  Huh?  Oops.

It seems I got some facts wrong.  So I’d like to set the record straight.  Make a retraction of sorts.  I can admit when I’m wrong.

The following is from Bachelor #2 himself:

The whole context of his TWO comments to my status aren’t pasted here for the same reason I deleted them from my FB page.  Although my friend Liz said it was the funniest thing she has ever read on Facebook, I’d rather small children and the faint of heart didn’t have to read that garbage.

So there you go Bachelor #2.  I’m sorry I got those dates so wrong.   This all makes so much more sense now. 

But um, B2, speaking of wrong, perhaps you might want to get the facts straight in your life .   Now I’m just guessing here that something might be amiss in your happy home due to the email I got on Saturday morning from the very sweet and now very confused woman who happens to LIVE WITH YOU.

Wha?  Huh?  Oops.

In an effort to have a Valentine’s Day that doesn’t include a single 36 year old woman spending the night with her parents and her kid, eating obscene amounts of Peeps, I once again have thrown myself into the Online Dating fire and joined Yahoo Personals.  Queue the angels singing.

And let me tell you Internet.  It has already proved to be, in one word, AWESOME! 

Allow me to introduce to you the three fine bachelors who have been courting me as of late.

Bachelor #1 is a 40 something from North Carolina.  When he IM’ed me and I noticed his user id was “FaithSeeker241″ I was hoping that meant he was looking for his long lost dog named “Faith”.   I soon learned that wasn’t the case after he introduced himself, told me I was beautiful and then asked if I had found God. To which I replied, “You know, He’s just not that into me.  Please, take care.”

Bachelor #2 is a 45 year old man who’s only source of income is playing poker.  This fella, according to his Facebook page (which he invited ME to… NOT the other way around) goes out more than I did my junior year of college.  Which let me tell you, was a lot. 
His status updates have been known to be things like “_____ is just waking up” which was posted at 3:31 pm on a Wednesday afternoon.  Or “____ is drunk already.”  This was posted at 11:50 AM on a Tuesday morning.   Isn’t he dreamy?

In addition to his Animal House behavior, his fine fella has been known to wear t-shirts in his profile pictures that say such refined statements as, “Boobies Make Me Smile.”  and “Drunk Chicks Dig Me.”  I’m sure they do #2.  I’m sure they do.

And finally, I save the best for last. 
Bachelor #3 is a 46 lovely from Beloit WI.   His one and only heartfelt, romantic, educated message to me was “i was thinking you were really cute, until i seen u date blacks”

To which I replied, “And I was thinking you were a real loser especially when I saw that you’re a racist.”

So there you have it Internet.  Who do I give the rose to?  How can I possible pick between all these great choices?

Perhaps I’ll find another honey when I’m out tonight with My Person.  We are going to dinner at my favorite restaurant, which I had to strong arm her into.  One of the many reasons she is My Person.   But I’m also sporting my new fabulous hairdo that would make Katie Holmes shake in her Scientology Boots with sheer jealously.  

So… fingers crossed.   Here’s hoping I meet a 41 year old ex-convict, who still lives with his mother and has a foot fetish.

Wordless Wednesday

So I guess this Valentine’s Day wasn’t as bad as I had thought it would be.   Therefore I’m sparing the idiot with the arrows in the diaper for another year. 

My VDay weekend began on Friday night as I joined my Movie Night friends for another fun filled evening, complete with great food, lots of wine and of course yet another campy flick.  This time it was none other than our dearly departed Anna Anna Fabulous Anna Nicole.  Because really, nothing says Friday the 13th scary like Anna Nicole Smith.

And I thought Little Britain was uncomfortable and disturbing?  Try watching countless episodes of a former, now very high on some unknown drug, Playmate of the Year and her messed up, enabling friends?!?

Speaking of friends, aren’t we cute?

As you can see, pink was the required uniform of the night.  And so were the drinks.

Saturday morning my stomach hurt from all the laughter.  Or maybe it was the pink wine. 

Anyhoo, when I retrieved Ben from his sleep-over at his loving Grandparents, I noticed in his backpack was a folder full of Valentine’s from his little classmates. 
This would have been fine if I had KNOWN ABOUT THIS VALENTINE PARTY!!!

Last week I asked my sweet darling son, “Hey, are you guys having a Valentine party at school?  Should we get Valentine’s?”  To which he replied, “No I don’t think so.  I haven’t gotten anything from my teacher.”  So I let it go thinking 3rd grade was the time when all this nonsense stopped.

However Saturday morning as I was looking down at my son who was smiling like the cat who ate the canary and I exclaimed, “BENJAMIN RICHARD!  What is all this?!?  You told me there wasn’t a Valentine party this year!  You didn’t give out Valentine’s!  But look how many you got!  And with all this candy!” 

He continued smiling and said, “I know!  Isn’t it great?”

For his punishment I’m making him dress like a Leprechaun for St Patty’s Day.  Complete with green tights, a top hat and basket full of four leaf clovers to hand out to all his classmates.  Let’s see how big his smile is then!

The little twirp so didn’t deserve it, but what can I say, I’m a sucker for this kid so later in the day we headed to Target to get each other Valentine gifts.   He did redeem himself when he picked out Coldplay’s Viva La Vida for me and with as much earnest as a boy who was just busted earlier in the day said, “Mom, I’ll get this for you.  I have enough money.”   Forgetting all about the Valentine debacle, I of course wouldn’t let him pay for it.  But I did make him get me some chocolate. 

Thanks to his Grandparents, his poor classmates and to his loving mother, Ben made out like a little Cupid Bandit.

I swear he got more candy than at Halloween.  Never you mind those Peeps.  Yes they are opened and yes, they were mine.   “Were” being the key word here.

The most romantic day of the year was rounded out by a meal with my folks, lots of Facebook games and watching The Dark Knight with my little Valentine Con-Artist. 

I guess Valentine’s Day is just like any other holiday.  It is what you make it out to be.  Hallmark holiday or not, this one was filled with family, friends and thankfully LOTS of chocolate.

And of course the traditional “Princess” card for this Princess…

Since today is Valentine’s Day Eve (gag!) this morning on my favorite Madison radio station, 105.5 was talking about this book.

And then they asked their listeners to call in with what six words they would use to describe either their current relationship or a past relationship.

Because I am what you might call “outgoing”, and so not a fan of this stupid Hallmark Shove It In Your Face That You Don’t Have A Date On Yet Another F-ing Valentine’s Day holiday, I called in.  And they put me on the air.  Why?  Because mine rocked.

It was:

He Picked The Bottle Over Me.

Ah yes.  Nothing says “Good morning and Happy Valentine’s Eve” like that little nugget eh?    Hello Princess.  Bad coffee called and wants it’s “bitter” back.

Once I was able to get over how weird my voice sounded on the radio, there were some other very interesting and actually sweet ones.  

So that leads me to ask you, Internet?  What would be yours?  And remember you can only use 6 Words.  Nothing more, nothing less.

Written for “Wednesday Night Write” - 3rd grade - February 11th 2009. 

“If I were the president I would build assault robots and take the troops out of Iraq, Iran and Afghanistan and put the assault robots in war.

I would lower all taxes and it would be against the law to litter.  I would make more homeless shelters and a better economy. 

I think I would be a great President.”

************************
Needless to say, this story, written by my wise beyond his eight years boy, brought tears to my eyes. 
And the fact that he made me pay him $5 for the rights to publish this story, well that just made me proud.

Wordless Wednesday

You may have noticed that my blog posts have either been on the light side as of late, or so boring you fall asleep mid post. 

I apologize, but seriously this is what is in my creative mind lately.

…..

I got nothing. 

My life is so calm and stress free these days that everything is pretty much vanilla.   When I get into bed, I’m already so relaxed that I don’t remember falling asleep and I sleep like the dead.  Sometimes I wake up and realize I haven’t moved all night. 
Don’t get me wrong.  I’m very happy about this and I definitely deserve it after the January I had, but as far as having something to write about, it’s not looking good.

In fact the other day I was at the grocery store and went to get my yogurt.  I had a brief thought that I was excited to try all their new flavors.  Until I got to the yogurt, saw all the same old flavors and realized I had just dreamt that.

Yes Internet, I’m dreaming about yogurt.   And not doing fun things with it either.  No.  I had a dream about Yoplait coming out with new flavors.

Wow.  I mean, really?  I think if one is dreaming about yogurt, it’s a cry for help.  A cry for some stimulus in one’s life.  If that isn’t the one of the most patheticly sad things, I’m not sure what is.

So in an effort to keep readers and prevent myself from dreaming about cereal, I’m either going to have to get a part time job at a strip club, join the circus, start interviewing Ben or maybe just sign up for Yahoo Personals again. 

To those of you that have stayed with me during this plateau, thank you. 
I promise, we’re on the upswing.