Since clearly my experience with eHarmony has been a bust, it got me thinking.  Granted the subscription was only $30 but think of all the other amazing things I could have done with that hard earned money.  

Please read this in David Letterman’s voice.

Here we go…

#10) could have bought 10 bottles of 3 Buck Chuck from Trader Joe’s.

#9) bought 4 bottles of Pepto Bismol as a result of too much 3  Buck Chuck.

#8) had my eyebrows waxed in hopes of finding someone OFF of eHarmony and not looking like a Yeti in the process

#7) gotten a pedicure for 8 of my 10 toes

#6) bought “5 Dollar Foot Longs” from Subway for me and 5 of my lucky friends

#5) had a 10 minute Psychic Hot-line reading

#4) gotten 3/4 of a spray tan

#3) paid the fine for being late on every single library book I take out this summer

#2) adopted a child from the Christian Children’s Fund for the month

and the #1 way I could have better spent my precious thirty dollars is to have flushed 30 one dollar bills down the toilet… just to see them swim.

Wordless Wednesday

It’s finally that time of the year. My favorite season. When the air is sticky but sweet, the days seem eternal and my hands constantly smell of sunscreen.

Last night while hanging out with friends in our backyard, that some call Wingra Park, the barefoot kids were busy chasing fire flies through the thick grass. I looked at my friend and just smiled. “Is there a better sound on earth that that?” I asked as the kids screamed and laughed while the lightening bug escaped it’s captor.

This morning I took Ben to the bus stop for camp. The first day of camp. Granted I work all summer but through Ben I get to live vicariously. Reason 2,342 I love being a mom. A part of me is on that school bus with him, headed off to good ol Camp Shalom.
This morning the sidewalk was filled with wiggly, excited campers and their parents struggling to get them to hold still long enough for their morning sunscreen and bug spray applications.
An elderly man walked by all the chaos, looked at me and asked, “What is this all about?” I replied “Oh, we are waiting for the bus to take them all to camp.”
“To the Heart camp?” he asked? I looked at him confused so he continued, “To the Sacred Heart camp…” I chucked as I always find the irony funny that our bus stop for Camp Shalom is in front of Blessed Sacrament church and school.  I finally replied, “Nope. This is for Camp Shalom!” The look on his face was priceless.

After work I greeted my very tired, very hot, mildly cranky camper with open arms. And then proceeded to nuzzle my nose into his neck. He is the smell of summer. Chlorine, Coppertone and Off. A heavenly combination.

Sigh… summer.

Last night I was awoken by the deafening sound of silence. It took me a moment to figure out what was going on. Was I dead? Was I in some super calm sleep and still needed to wake up? Or did I mysteriously go deaf in the middle of the night? When I was coherent enough to be sane, I realized that the power went out. We were having a normal albeit crazy Midwestern thunderstorm with so much lightening it could put a dance club to shame. 

Therefore, I wasn’t too shocked.  But because last night was the first time I turned the air on in my new place, I worried that I blew a fuse. I do love my apartment something fierce, but the old girl, well she isn’t the newest building on the block. When I moved the little switch to “cool on” it made a noise similar to that of a propeller airplane. The noise didn’t bother me because at the time I was so hot and sticky, I could listen to nails on a chalkboard just as long as I was cool.

But there in the dark and the silence, my addled-middle-of-the-night-mind went on overdrive. Did I really blow a fuse? If so, how was I going to fix that? Or perhaps this was some bad guy who knocked my breaker and was about to attack?  Did the power company choose ME to shut the power off as a psychological experiment?

Realizing it could be any and ALL of the above, I somehow summoned the courage to go downstairs and find my cell. All the way down the dark steps I muttering to myself “thisissoscarythisissoscarythisissoscary…”

You really don’t realize how much you rely on power until you have none. Profound huh?  But really, with no nightlights, no light on the microwave clock or DVD player. Just dark.  And then there’s the silence.  That’s the worst part of a black out for me. No nice hum of the fridge, the computer or a fans. If I ever get caught by the enemy in the middle of war (which could TOTALLY HAPPEN) in order to torture me, just give me a room with NO SOUND AT ALL.

Anyway, since I was Super Woman and wouldn’t let my boy upstairs die in a blackout (again, could TOTALLY happen) I found my cell and called the electric company. No, not the one that used to be after Sesame Street, but wouldn’t THAT be cool?

After telling them I had no power and giving this lady who was very pleasant for 2:30am, my address I immediately asked, “Am I the ONLY one in this area to lose power!?” She literally laughed at me and said “No. There are many calls coming in…”

As much as I wanted to wake up Ben and have his company during this momentous occasion, I reminded myself that I am in fact his mother, and not his roommate or big sister and therefore I could check on the boy (with my make shift cell phone flashlight) but then I had to take myself, and the now total lack of drama, back to bed.

When the power came back on an hour later, I truly have never been so happy to hear the roar of Bessie (that’s the name I have given my central air) and the breeze from the fan in my face.

I have also made a solemn vow to never be late on my utility bill!

Wordless Wednesday

Last Saturday night I joined my two favorite fashion divas, otherwise known as The Boys, to a gallery opening of one of Joe’s friends.  It didn’t take much to get me out.  A night out with my favorite guys?  YES!  Drinks? Twist my arm!  Cute Photographer-Single-Democrat?  HELL YES!

This C.P.S.D was the very talented Eric Baillies.  You can check out some of his amazing work here.  Or HERE:

Eric took pictures at the Obama rally here in Madison (February 2008) during the campaign and then in Washington DC at the inauguration.  His pictures were inspiring and different in that he didn’t just get shots of Obama, instead he captured the people who were moved by this amazing event.  Hence the name of the exhibit, “The Face of Change.”  If you are in the Madison area, his work will be displayed at Glass Nickel Pizza (on the east side) through July.

Eric’s art wasn’t the only thing that was dramatic and caught everyone’s eye that evening.  Joe’s hair did too:

It was LARGE and in charge.  It even managed to cut me off in some pictures.  Later I figured out he was going for the Edward Cullen look that evening.  Yes, very Robert Pattinson.  Nice job, Joe.

After we drank enough of Eric’s beer and I oggled over his photography and his kick ass Obama belt,

The Boys, kidnapped me to a new gay nightclub called Out.   They drove to the exhibit so really, I was their hostage.  Besides it being late (Hey! I’m 93! Being out after 11 pm is LATE!) me trying desperately to get some loser guy off Jason by calling in Joe, and then subsequently getting called a “Fag Hag” by said Loser Guy;  it was a very fun night.

But next time, I’m SO driving myself.

p.s. for all of you, including myself, who don’t know what a Fag Hag is, the definition, per the very reliable source of Wikipedia, is “…a gay slang phrase referring to a woman who either associates mostly or exclusively with gay and bisexual men, or has gay and bisexual men as close friends.“

Jason reassures me I NOT a Fag Hag.  I just love my gays.  So take that Lady!

Ben and I are always busy. It’s just who we are, what we do and luckily – we do it well. God forbid we are left home for a whole day with no plans. *SHUDDER!*

But even the Busy Pros that we are, this end of the school year/early summer is about to do us in. For the past two weeks straight we have had something going on every night during the week. We rarely get home before 8pm. I have fruit that I bought a week ago that still hasn’t been touched, the dishes in the sink are begging me to be cleaned and don’t even get me started on the laundry mountain upstairs.

Then there are the weekends.

RIDIC! ULOUS!

In fact this coming Saturday might be the end of Ben and I. On Saturday we have one Little League game, TWO soccer games, an end of the soccer year picnic and my nephew’s graduation party. Yes all these things will be very fun but a little breather in between 10:00 am – 10:00 pm wouldn’t be a bad thing.

Hopefully things will begin to calm down next week with soccer and school being over. I have so much I want to blog about! My lack of a descent post is, for once, not a case of writer’s block but instead just not enough time to sit down at the computer to type it all out.

But um, apparently I do have enough time at the computer to do this. Sorry Amy….

Wordless Wednesday

Keep your panties on, this post isn’t in regard to my love life.  Although I will say that eHar-meanie hasn’t been AS mean lately.  I have actually gotten some emails and responses.  So… thanks Jack!  More on that later, if there is anything to tell.

But I HAVE been getting lucky in the Blog Give Away department!  Last month I won a Greeblemix from Aimee – an awesome mix CD.

And just today I found out I won Season 4 of Weeds from my dear-cyber-friend-I-haven’t-actually-met-in-person-but-know-we will-be-BFF’s-when-we-do Kelcey!

Therefore this weeks activities will now include watching copious hours of the greatest show on TV, and listening to some kick-ass music on my way to buy a lottery ticket!

Also coming up this week, details on my Saturday night out with The Boys.   Of which I think I’m still recovering…

Yesterday, in regards to my blogging about the fantastic results I’ve had to date from eHarmony, I got the following comment:

Sorry to hear that your journey on eHarmony has been a bit rocky so far. But be encouraged; there may very well be many ways to improve your experience. For one, you may want to contact our Customer Care team and see if they have any suggestions for you on adjusting your settings, arranging your photos and enhancing your About Me page to create the optimum response potential for you from the matches you would like to hear from. Here’s the link: http://help-singles.eharmony.com/.

Also, there is a whole different mentality and approach on eHarmony. Members on eHarmony are more likely to be thinking very seriously, and therefore, it’s not a dating site as much as a relationship site. That means that you may get less communication, fewer dates, but a better chance that the right person could be matched with you at any given time.

We also encourage members not to take getting closed personally. The match doesn’t know you, and they don’t have the power to speak into your life to evaluate what kind of partner you would be. In fact, as you’ve seen, the reason for closing the match may be what they really mean, or it may be arbitrary. Anything could be happening on their side, including anything from dealing with personal issues to not being able to continue for some practical reason. Here’s a brief video you might find helpful about how to make the most of eHarmony: http://www.eharmony.com/keystosuccess

The good news is that we have an average of 236 members a day who do get married through using the service, but these members report that it took some time to find the right one.

Hope things improve soon! If you want to contact me, you can find me on Twitter @eharmony_jack.

-Jack

Oh Jack.  I do appreciate your concern to my “rocky start” but I think I’ll refrain from contacting customer service to find out exactly what my problem is.  That might be scrapping the bottom of the Pathetic Barrel a little too much, even for me. 

So thanks again Jack.  And um, hey… are YOU single?  Wink wink…