Wordless Wednesday

Last Monday was Matt’s birthday and since this was the first birthday we had together, I wanted to make it extra special.  I couldn’t just get a boring store bought cake.  Oh no.  I had to show off my Mad Baking Skills, and let this guy fully appreciate just how lucky he is to have found moi. 

Because I am a true giver at heart, I couldn’t keep this creation a secret.  Therefore I give you to a step by step recipe for how to make The Best Birthday Cake ever!  No need for thanks.  If you would like a printed copy, feel free to email me directly.

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Step 1) Prepare your cake according to your late grandmother’s super secret hand written recipe card the box directions.  Make sure to start this project at the very last minute.  Even though you have all weekend, wait until 9pm on Sunday night.

Step 2) When the two rounds are done baking, take them out of the oven and curse loudly when you realize that you have to wait for the cakes to cool COMPLETELY before you can begin frosting.

Step 3) Pace around the kitchen willing your still very warm cake to cool.

Step 4) Think seriously about putting the cake in the freezer for a few minutes.

Step 5) Get a grip and go play Farmville on Facebook.

Step 6) After an hour march back into the kitchen and say out loud, “Ah screw it, this cake is totally cool.”

Step 7) Take the first round out of the cake pan.  While putting it on the cake plate try to ignore the fact that one side defects from the rest of the cake and falls off.  Say something to the effect of “Oh my.  Hmmm, umm…” but reassure yourself you can “totally glue” it back with frosting.

Step”8″) Begin frosting layer one.  Similiar to Step 7, ignore the fact that the moment you even come close to the “hurt” spot, it begins to crumble even more.  Continue to tell yourself MORE frosting, when the other layer is added, will help.

Step 9) As if holding a bomb, C-A-R-E-F-U-L-L-Y put the top layer on.

Step 10) Frost both layers of the cake in one seamless motion, blending the two cakes together in a beautiful swirl form.

Beautiful!  It worked!

Step 11) Turn the cake around.

Oh. Dear.

Step 12) Add some snazzy sprinkles to the top of the cake in order to distract from the striking resemblance of the Grand Canyon on the other side.

Beautiful!  It worked!

Step 13) Turn the cake around.

Awkward.

Step 14) Realize it is now 11pm and there is nothing you can do at this late hour except for create diversion from the problem.

Step 15) Diversion created!

Step 16) Serve the cake the next day with a big smile, a rousing rendition of “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” and freakishly tall candles that when combined with the smart looking sign will dupe the receiver into thinking “You shouldn’t have.  No really.  You should not have.”

All rights reserved by Becky Crocker. 

To tweet or not to tweet, that is my question.

I have a confession to make. My name is Becky and I don’t Tweet! I know I know, it’s shocking. I should have asked you all to sit down before just throwing that out there sans warning.

I blog (duh), I Facebook like a champ, and I text like a 13 year old on a sugar high but I don’t Twitter.

It seems that many moons ago I did in fact sign up for Twitter. Why? Great question. I have no idea. I guess I wanted to see what all the fuss was about but once I got on there it made no sense, I got all confused, started biting my nails and therefore never did anything with it.

However, every now and then I get a notification that someone is “following” me on Twitter. My first reaction is, “Good lord, why? How did they find me?” and my next thought is, “Oh how sad. This poor person, who I have never heard of, is going to be bored out of their minds. I hope there is a “un-follow” button.”

One of the reasons I don’t Twitter is I because I have to believe that everyone is already sick of me. Between this here blog and Facebook (What are you doing now? What about NOW? And NOW?!) who really wants to know how much coffee I drank, what I just ate for lunch and when my library book is due?

And really how does Twitter even work? If you follow someone do you get notifications on everything they Tweet about? So are you constantly being Tweeted and Twitted? Is it just another thing for me to check and get stressed out about? People, I have my farm on Farmville, I NEED NO MORE STRESS!

I guess I just don’t get it at all.

Therefore I leave it to you dear readers. Someone please enlighten this clearly Social Network novice. Do you Tweet? Should I become Twittapated? And if so…WHY?

Wordless Wednesday

Dear Nine and a half,

How are you? Wait, don’t even bother answering that because I know the answer will be “fine.” In all lower case. As that has been your answer for everything lately.

“How was school, Buddy?”

“fine.”

“How was baseball practice.”

“fine.”

“Do you want pigs ears and elephants toes for dinner?”

“fine.”

Nine And A Half, what is your deal? I mean really, you seem so fragile lately. You are like an egg shell.  I say one thing and… OH GOD! I’m sorry. NO, please don’t freak out. Crap. Aw man, I said I was sorry. Please don’t stomp away. I wasn’t being mean, and I’m not mad. Do NOT roll your eyes at me. Going to your room again huh? Well please don’t slam the ….

Um, OK well let me know if you want to talk.

Hey, welcome back. So can I ask what was that about? Yeah, I know you “don’t know” but um, do you have a clue because these moods swings are sorta scary. Are you hungry? Are you tired? Is fourth grade proving to be really hard? Do you have too much going on and we are just too busy? Are you upset because your Mom has a new boyfriend? I know you like him but is this hard for you? Are you ever going to answer any of my questions, 9.5?!

Well Nine And A Half, I hope you know you can always talk to me. I’m really not your enemy. In fact I’m the President and CEO of your fan club. Even if this is turning out to be the worst age since you were 18 months. Ugh! NO!! I didn’t say that YOU ARE THE WORST. I just meant the age. Just the age. NOT YOU! Oh come back! Please don’t cry.

Hang in there Nine And A Half. We’ll get through this together. And hopefully without Social Services being involved.

Love always,

The Meanest Mother EVER!

Ben: We are the world.  We are the children.  We are the ones who bring a brighter day just you and me…

Me: Where did you learn that song?

Ben: In music.  Why? Do you know it?

Me: Yeah. Of course!  It came out and was huge when I was just a little older than you.

Ben: So you were alive during the Great Depression?

Me: [Blink. Blink blink.]

Ben: Wasn’t this song during The Great Depression?

Me: Um, some might think the 80’s were quite depressing but no, “We Are the World” was definitely a 1980’s song.  Fifty some years AFTER the Great Depression.  Where did you get that idea, Ben?

Ben: Huh.  [muttering to himself as he walks away] I could have sworn the music teacher said it was a Great Depression song.  Huh.  We are the world…. We are the children…

Wordless Wednesday

Unbeknownst to me, I have joined the circus.  It seems I have become the main event at the Big Top.  My talent?  I spin an obscene amount of plates on these little teeny tiny sticks, making sure not to drop a one.

Lately life has been good.  Really good.  I have a great job that I don’t dread on Sunday nights, a beautiful son who still talks to me at the age of nine and a wonderful relationship with an amazing man who is crazy about me and makes me laugh.

But that doesn’t mean things are easy.

I am quickly learning that it’s all about the balance.  Do we go to the Open House at school or the baseball game?  Do I ask Matt to spend time with me just because I have a sitter, even though he already has plans with his buddies?  When there is soccer AND baseball on the same night, which wins?  Do we attend the family birthday party when there is an Open House AND a baseball game?  Where do we fit in the mellow nights with just the kid and I?  What about those mellow nights with the budding new relationship?  All the while trying not to forget the milk and the ever growing pile of laundry.

Sometimes I do this trick better than others.  Sometimes I snap and all the plates go crashing.  Sometimes I just give in and laugh.  Most often I consult one of my many lists, graphs or emails.  And breathe.  There is a lot of breathing.

While I’m doing all this breathing and making sure not to hyperventilate, I try to think back to the basics.  On each one of these plates is someone I love.  So even though I have issues saying “no” and need to make sure to take time for myself, we’ll all make it work together.  Even with some plates that are chipped or put back together with glue.

Speaking of people I love and some tough plates, I’d like to give a special birthday shout-out to the cutest, most loving, generous and feistiest twins there ever were…

Happy Birthday Aunt Sheila and Mom! We love you!

Wordless (I’m So Screwed Up This Week I Thought Today Was Wednesday) Thursday

Our weekend up north was a great finale to a great summer. Even though we were spending two nights in the murder capital of Wisconsin and quite possibly all of the Midwest, we had a blast.

Remember that light and fun family movie, Silence of the Lambs? Did ya ever know it was based off a real character, Ed Gein? A nice little gentleman who decorated his Plainfield, WI home with furniture made of human skin and bones? Yeah, Plainfield is oh, a mere 30 miles from this cabin. So while Matt and I were taking a walk on Sunday morning and a siren went off, we knew it couldn’t be just a random tornado drill. No sir, that’s the siren they use to let you know a murderer is on the loose. Therefore, we hightailed it back to the cottage least we be made into a couch and love seat.

Can I tell you about the fishing?  There was much fishing happening. SO MUCH FISHING! Even though words can’t truly describe how much this Princess hates to fish, I hung out in the paddle boat until I had one too many casts almost hit me in the head. After I saw a hook with a big nasty night crawler pass by my eyes for a third time I finally said as calmly as possible, “Excuse me, could you please get me to shore. Like, NOW!”

Both nights we had wonderful bonfires. And both nights, all the boys showed their true pyro tendencies. In fact before fire pit #2 Matt suggested we get the boys REAL sparklers instead of their “red-neck-sticks-on-fire” sparklers. But eh, when in Rome…  Luckily no one was burned. Or rather no human was burned. Sadly I can’t say the same for those poor innocent marshmallows.   Those boys were a marshmallow’s Ed Gein.

Since Ben found his inner fisherman, he decided to have one last fishing expedition on Monday morning.  Did I mention the only person, the entire weekend, to actually catch a FISH and not a WEED was Matt, when amazingly enough he didn’t have a gaggle of children around him yelling, “CAN YOU PLEASE PASS THE WORMS!” and “MY LINE IS TANGLED AGAIN!” and “WHERE ARE ALL THE FISH?!?!?”

Luckily Matt and I were standing right off the dock as my very light 9 year old made such a powerful cast out that it literally propelled him into the lake. Right off the front of the dock. Matt and I were busy gazing into each others eyes talking about current events when we heard a “KERPLASH!!” and both of us flew onto the dock where Ben was just coming up from the gunky lagoon while choking out a,  “HELP ME! HELP ME!”  Matt being the hero, and thankfully freakishly strong guy that he is, pulled Ben straight up on the dock. Where his mother tried incredibly hard to not hug her freaked-out-caked-with-lake-muck boy. Hey, I held his hand! And said very calming words as I took him straight to the shower.
The mildly humorous thing about this is… um the water where he fell in, is really shallow.  In fact in his “I’m Drowning!” hysteria, Ben forgot that he and Michael were WALKING around that area the day before.  Regardless, that kid sure knows how to end the trip with a SPLASH! Get it? GET IT? I’m here all week folks.

It was such a fun weekend that we are thinking about making this an annual thing.  Right Lisa?  Lisa?  LISA?!