Hello from the other side!
So yeah, that was fun. 

By getting this flu and in turn, giving it to my son, I was just being a good mother.  You see, Ben told me last week that he wanted a day alone with just me.  Well kid, how about THREE!?  Just you and me, Buddy.  Nope, no one else can even come into this apartment!

Oh and how about during those three days we lay comatose on the couch.  Even better let’s watch D3: The Mighty Ducks more times than Emilio Estevez.  Because really, nothing says “mother and son bonding” like both of us sleeping for 12 hours a night, going through three boxes of Kleenex, and nagging each other to “drink more water!”

I thought I was going to go stir crazy being cooped up inside for days on end but really, I was too sick to care.  My parents brought over supplies but because I didn’t want them to even THINK of getting this, when they came over I opened the door just a crack with a scarf over my face.  A dramatic Michael Jackson impression?  Perhaps but guess who ISN’T sick!

Yesterday when Ben and I were feeling good enough to come up with hair-brained ideas (and neither of us had fevers for 24 hours so we were officially non contagious) we decided to get out of the house and go to the mall.  Nothing perks those spirits like some retail therapy! 

However the minute that we got out of the car, I felt like I was part of “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids?”    This place was HUGE!  The most movement I had done for the past five days was from the couch, to the kitchen, break at the couch again, to the bathroom, back to bed.  Just getting through the first store was like walking to Chicago; uphill.  Don’t even get me started on going from Boston Store to JcPenney’s.  It was so bad we had to take a break and sit down on one of those benches.  I finally understand who those things are for.  Victims of The Swine.  After ‘Penney’s the boy and I both looked at each other and said, “Let’s go home.”  

Even though I’m still as strong as a wet noodle and can’t laugh without hacking up a lung, the worst is over.  I even made it into work.  For a day.  Because tomorrow we head out to DC to celebrate Halloween with the First Family. This whole time we were so worried Ben and I wouldn’t make the trip but HA!  Take that H1N1!  Punk! 

However I did tell my parents we should add in some time because if Ben and I thought the mall was big, the airport is going to seem like walking across Africa.

It all started on Thursday night.  It had been a very stressful week so when I was feeling run down and semi sick, I just thought it was the weight of a bad week on me. 

Until I woke up in the early hours of Friday with a cough deep in my lungs that burned like lava.  “Shit,” I muttered to myself.  I knew immediately this wasn’t just a normal chest cold.

Regardless Friday morning I dragged myself into work since I had already called in sick once that week and thought maybe I would feel better as the day went on.  Ironically Josh (my coworker) was out sick, so I stayed but as every hour went by I knew that Matt and I were going to miss The Boys birthday party.  Yes, they are such a cute couple they even have birthday’s just days apart.  ALthough I was super bummed to miss it,I figured nothing says, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” like hacking up a lung all over the artichoke dip.

Saturday I woke up feeling OK.  Little did I know that was the best I would feel all day and it would be downhill from there. 

We had plans Saturday night to go to my friend Darcy’s house for dinner.  So around 4:00 pm I made the accent up Mount St Helen’s, or my stairs…it was hard to tell.  I took a long hot shower that was an almost an orgasmic experience, until I finally decided I should leave some water for the fish and got out.  Once out of the heaven I called a shower, it took everything I had to just put a towel around my hair and get on my robe.  As I collapsed into bed I knew there was no way we were going anywhere that night. 

Instead of spending the night with friends, food and wine, it was a night in with my boys, dressed like a homeless person clutching my tea.  By Saturday night the body aches were so bad and my fever so high I was delirious.  At one point I asked Matt for more ibuprofen.  Five minutes after I took it, I looked at him and asked for ibuprofen.  “Honey, I just gave it to you,”  Matt said.  That’s when I declared that I was Done With The Day and took myself to bed.  Where I proceeded to sleep for 12 hours.

Today I woke up feeling much better.  Now I just feel like I have a bad cold which I would take any day over the previous feeling of my lungs being filled with cement on fire. 

However, as each minute I feel better, there is a little boy on the couch next to me who’s sinking deeper and deeper.  And I need to figure out how to not go insane by the fact that I haven’t left the house for more than 48 hours with many more ahead of me.

Even though I never made it to Urgent Care, I did talk to a friend of mine who is a doctor and pronounced me a H1N1 victim.  Serves me right that I would get this weeks before work vaccinated me.  Remember I was the one who cried pig!  I was the one who called this just a big media hype. 

So let my lessons learned be your knowledge.  1) you don’t have to guess if you have the Swine Flu.  You will know.  Just like you don’t have to guess if you are in labor… you know!  And 2) it’s not just a media hype.  If you have a chance to get vaccinated, DO!  Trust me, this is a nasty virus which I would have been so happy to avoid. 

Now everyone cross your fingers that this passes through my family in time for us to catch our flight to D.C. on Thursday.  The Obama’s are counting on us.

Wordless Wednesday

As a little girl one of my favorite books ever was,”Where The Wild Things Are“.  I can still vividly remember  sitting on my father’s lap, the smell of his sweater and the intonation in his voice as he read, “And they roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth…”

While I was pregnant with Ben, I took my old copy of the book for my baby.  And when he was finally at the age where he would listen to the story without trying to eat the pages, I would attempt to recreate the magic my father produced for me.  However, I’m pretty sure I never got it just right.

So when earlier this year I saw they were making the movie, at first I was scared.  How could they replicate this fantastic world?  Would they destroy it?  Ruin it forever?  But as I began to see the trailers I was mesmerized.  It was as if the book came to life.  I wasn’t only one that was shocked and in heaven by these trailers, Ben also couldn’t get enough.  We promised we would see this movie the day it came out.

To be honest I had sort of forgotten that the release date was upon us when my mom called me at work last Thursday and said, “Tomorrow let’s all go to see ‘Where The Wild Things Are’.  Even Dad wants to go!”  So that is how my parents, Ben and I all went together to see this wonderful movie on it’s opening day.

It sounds magical right?  Idyllic in fact.  Yeah, except it wasn’t.  This movie was a great disappointment.  Don’t get me wrong, the costumes were amazing, James Gandolfini was perfect and so was Max.  However, unlike the book, which had what I think is a positive message, this movie was so depressing!  I understand that they needed to expand the story from this 48 page book into a 99 minute movie but why move so far away from the overall message?

I’m being sort of cryptic because I hate movie reviews that give away the whole movie.  I’ll simply say there was such an odd dark, almost bitter feeling about it and there were some parts and even characters that made no sense.  I’m very surprised that the author, Maurice Sendak, not only approved of the movie but has told concerned parents to “to go to hell”.

Perhaps that’s how he intended the book to be too and I’m just a Pollyanna who saw it as upbeat.

Regardless, all four of us left the theater feeling disappointed and Ben even scared.  I definitely would not suggest bringing children younger than 10 to this movie.

So am I in the minority?  Did you see it?  Did you bring your kids? And if so, what did you (they) think?

Dear Falcon,

Hey kiddo, how ya doing? Hopefully you can answer that question without throwing up.

Listen Fal, I’ll make this short since I’m sure you have gotten quite a bit of mail in the past 24 hours; not to mention I know first hand how slow a 6 year old can read.

Anyway, remember yesterday when we all thought you were stuck in a space ship/Jiffy Pop/balloon thing? Remember how I literally felt sick thinking there was this scared little kid being tossed around some cockamamie aircraft 7,000 feet up in the air? Remember how I stopped breathing when that balloon finally hit the ground? Remember how you weren’t IN said balloon? Remember how I was sure I was watching history in the making?

Yeah that was fun. Good times.  Because guess what? All the while you were NAPPING! In your garage! Not that I blame you for hiding from your very scary dad. I would too. Hey, good news is in just 12 short years you will not only be out of that house, you can legally change your name.

But Falcon…until then, next time your dad wants to use you for some bizarre publicity stunt, just say “NO!” Little Guy! Just say no.

Oh and also if you wouldn’t mind telling good ol Pop, that in addition to all the other fines he is going to accrue from the Colorado Sheriff’s department, the National Guard and the countless other people that wasted their time chasing a big Mylar balloon all over the Denver area, he owes me two hours of my life back.

Take care Falcon. And good luck buddy!

Love,

Me

Wordless Wednesday

Tonight was the night I decided to finally haul up the Halloween bin from the garage.  Since we got the “get out of jail free” card on this holiday, unlike past years, the pumpkins and ghosts didn’t come out in August. 

When I came into the apartment with the treasure box of Halloween Past, it took my son maybe 1.2 seconds to exclaim with glee, “Is that the Halloween bin?!?  CAN WE DECORATE!?!?  Now?!” 

So out came the Jack O’ Lantern garland, the witch candles and of course the costumes.  Oh sweet goodness, the costumes.  Ben immediately started putting on whatever he could get his hands on.

It was all a hodge podge until he landed on this:

and then took it off to put on this:

Ah yes.  I couldn’t describe this age better myself…

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Click.

In here it’s warm.
Out there it’s cold.

In here the pillow and blankets have all formed around my body like a symphony of comfort.
Out there I have yet to turn the heat on.

In here I have no responsibility but to burrow further into the covers and ignore the alarm.
Out there I have a child to get off to school, a job to go to and humans I have to converse with.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Hit.

In here my hair is just as it should be after eight hours of molding itself to the pillow.
Out there I have to deal with a very weird haircut that is now overgrown thus making it even weirder.

In here I can force myself to go back to the dream where I’m flying over some mountains with my new pretty pink wings.
Out there I have to get into my old car and with it’s old battery and pray it turns over.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
THWACK!

In here I have to pee. Badly.
Out there is a toilet.

In here I am thirsty.
Out there is coffee.

In here I’m getting sort of lonely.
Out there is Matt.

Out there wins.

My dad’s two brothers (also known as my uncles) both live in the Washington D.C. area. We (my folks, Ben and I) have been trying to find a time to get out there to visit this year. Since this summer was clearly a no go (I barely had time to get to the grocery store let alone the east coast) we decided to go out there this fall, during a time when Ben has a couple days off school. Just so happens that time is October 29th – November 1st. For those of you who are Calendar Challenged, this means we will be in Washington over Halloween.

Anyone who is reading this and has known me for more than three minutes might say, “OH NO BECKY! What will you do? No one loves Halloween more than you!!” At first I felt the same way but once that feeling pasted I realized, Sweet Halloween Heavens above, I’m FREE!

Yes, I do love Halloween but I had no idea how strong this upcoming holiday’s shackles were on me until I didn’t have to worry about it. Normally I’m a nut job. Ben’s costume has to be perfect, MY costume has to be perfect. I bug my friends for months on end, “What are we doing for Halloween? What are we going to be?  Where are we going?  Huh huh huh?” To which they reply, “Um, can we just get past the 4th of July and then maybe talk about it?”

But now? Now that I won’t even be around for All Hallows Eve? Now I walk by pumpkins for sale and instead of going into a cold sweat thinking, “WHERE AND WHEN WILL WE GET THE BEST PUMPKIN ON EARTH and SO HELP ME WHAT WILL I CARVE THIS YEAR?!?!” I look at them and smile and say, “Hi pretty pumpkins…” and move on.

At Target, instead of ogling over costumes and decorations, I just head straight for the toilet bowl cleaner (I like to keep a clean bowl) without batting an eye.

My only true concern is what the Obama’s will be giving out as candy. I can totally see Barack as a full-sized candy bar guy. And the good ones too. Although I can also see Michelle pushing him aside and giving out organic fruit leather that she made from her White House garden. I’ll guess we’ll find out when we pick up Sasha and Melia for tricker-treating.

Regardless I can’t tell you how freeing this is! It’s AMAZING and quite heavenly! Makes me wonder what Christmas in Boca would be like. Any takers?

Tuesday evening I picked up my child from a TWELVE HOUR field trip! Yes, you read that correctly. They left school at 8:00 am and returned at 7:30 PM!  I think his teacher’s head needs to be examined.  In my day, our big field trip was a ten block gaunt to the downtown library. For Ben’s class, it’s a trip to IOWA! On a TUESDAY!

So after I scooped up my puddle of a child, I brought him home and told him to immediately do his homework since it was already almost 8 pm. No, I didn’t. Even I’m not THAT mean. Instead I set him up on the couch for a good hour of bad TV. When what to my wondering eyes should appear but his very flushed little face, red eyes and a cough with a runny nose that would not stop.

“I’m sure it’s just a cold.” I told myself. Except when I put him in bed for the night and gave him a goodnight kiss, I knew he had a fever. My Mom Lips on that boy’s forehead are a way better indicator than some stupid thermometer. That and I couldn’t find the darn thing.

Once I left his room I went into a full scale panic. Since I work for a health care provider we have been inundated with precautions for H1N1. The symptoms have been shoved down our throats almost on a daily basis. Therefore I knew for certain that cough + headache + runny nose + fever = 100% Swine Flu!

After I stopped running around in small circles I did the next most mature thing a 37 year old mother does. I called my mommy. “MOM! Ben has a fever! And a cough! AND A RUNNY NOSE! Do you know what this means!? SWINE FLU MOTHER! The boy has the SWINE FLU!”

Even though I was in such a thither, I did hear my mother say, “Rebecca, calm down and find the thermometer and take his temp. Without your ‘Mom Lips’”.

I followed her advice, found the REAL thermometer and proceeded to wake up my child to take his temp. OK so it was only 99 but I was certain at any moment the fever would spike and he would start oinking.

Of course I deserved all this. I was the one who months ago was all, “This Swine Flu is such a media hype. Come on!” Hell in May, I even posted THIS cartoon. Serves this Jew, who failed to atone for her sins on Yom Kippur, right that my child would get the very un-Kosher SWINE flu.

The truth is, I wasn’t as worried at how sick he would be as how we would be quarantined for days on end. Ben and I alone, in our apartment, ALONE for DAYS ON END, would not be good. Even Facebook couldn’t keep us occupied for that long.

But Swine Flu it was and somehow we would deal.

I accepted my fate as I called into work for the next day, called Ben in “sick with the Swine Flu” to school, changed my Facebook status to “Ben has H1N1″ and went to bed with visions of piglets swimming through my head.

The next morning I was awoken by a very cute, VERY COOL, very clear eyed boy saying, “Mom! Shouldn’t you be up? Don’t we have to get going?”
“But… but you were dying. You had The Swine. Just last night. I called you in sick to school… how are you feeling!?”

His mother might be not that smart but this kid certainly is as he said, “Oh um, yeah, I’m feeling a little bit better. <cough cough> Can I play PS2 now?”

The moral of this story is that sometimes, a cold is just a cold even with a low grade fever. Sometimes the media hype can really get the best of us. And sometimes, just sometimes, this Princess tends to overreact.