Wordless Wednesday
**In other more important news, the Listen To Your Mother video is up!**
Monthly Archives: May 2010
A Letter to Ann Amazing Producer
Dear Ann,
Participating in Listen To Your Mother was way more than I thought it would be. Being part of the cast forever changed me. I now see my true calling! My purpose for living! It’s clear as a bell that this Princess’s place is on the stage. Under the lights! I should have heeded this call after being in the chorus of “Guys and Dolls” in 1985 but I ignored it. But last Sunday? It was all resurrected! It was such a rush, a high!
Except there is one small problem in this new dream of mine. You might be the only person on earth to ever cast me. Therefore, my dear friend, I have come up with some other great show ideas for you. Because really? Who can wait a whole year for Mother’s Day to come around again? Especially since this past Sunday instead of being under the lights and hearing the roar of a live audience, I was cleaning dirty underwear. And no one was cheering.
So without further ado, I give you:
Don’t Listen To Your Father – Readings by Madison Writers on Dealing With Those Ridiculous Husbands and their Cute Ideas on Parenting. Father’s Day at the Barrymore!
Four Jew Lies – Readings by Madison Writers on The Lies our Jewish Mother’s Told Us. July 4th at the Barrymore!
This Baby Is Coming Out of Where? – Readings by Madison Writers on Giving Birth. Labor Day at the Barrymore!
A Tree Grows in Madison – Readings by Madison Writers on Treehugging. Arbor Day at the Barrymore!
Such A Turkey – Readings by Madison Writers on their Most Embarrassing Moments. Thanksgiving at the Barrymore!
I Counted And I Don’t Have Eight Presents! - Readings by Madison Writers on Not Being Jealous of All the Christian Kids. Showing for all EIGHT DAYS of Hanukah at the Barrymore!
Resolution Schmezalution - Readings by Madison Writers on Failure to Make Goals. New Years Day at the Barrymore!
Love Stinks – Readings by Scorned Madison Writers. Valentine’s Day at the Barrymore!
Tight Pants – Readings by Madison Writers on Those Last Ten Pounds. Fat Tuesday at the Barrymore!
and finally…
Listen To THE Mother - Readings by Environmentalist Madison Writers. Earth Day at the Barrymore!
The original LTYM was such a success and you were such a great producer, director, marketer you could totally pull these off. With me by your side. Or perhaps after the restraining order you enact, 100 feet away at all times.
So CALL ME! You have my email right? And my cell? Oh wait! What about my home phone?
I’ll be waiting…
Signed,
A Nutjob Is Born
Numerically Obsessed
Last week I signed up to participate in this great idea of a Diabetes Blog Week hosted by Karen. Hundreds of diabetes sufferers all telling their stories on different topics each day. Such a great idea. Brilliant. I was excited to be a part of it and then yeah I totally failed. Except for today! Except that today is supposed to be about exercise. I’m not writing about exercise. But hey, at least I have a post about diabetes this week. So C- for effort?
Numbers have always been important to me. Just in profoundly different ways.
When I was little I was concerned with how many cookies I got in relation to my big sister. “But but she got MORE than me! See, I got two and and Debby got free ob dem! See dat?!” Or in relation to dreaded bedtime. “No, it’s not bedtime yet. Dat clock jusssay Seven Two Nine en bedtime not til Seven Furdy. See? It’s not 7:3… oh. Shoot!”
When I was a teenager numbers ruled my life by my bikini size.”Oh my gawd! I’m totally so fat. I’m a size 6 now?? Gag me with a spoon! I’m not eating again until August!” Or in memorizing the latest victim of my stalking phone number.
In college my number obsession was on how far I could stretch my last twenty bucks. “OK, happy hour beers are only $1, so that means I could have 5 beers, tip my normal twenty five cents and still have money for Taco Bell.”
Now, with diabetes, numbers have a whole new meaning.
Stepping on the scale before my shower and testing my blood sugar after my shower can either make or break my day.
My morning routine looks like this: Get on the scale. Get off the scale. Get on the scale again. Move the scale over two inches. Get on again. Get off. Move the scale back to its previous spot. If I like the number, stop. Good job. If the number is up, blame it on eating that pickle the night before.
Prick finger. Ow. Put glop of blood on test strip then do the quick “please be low please be low” mantra while the meter comes up with the number. If the number is low, pat myself on the back. If the number is super high, take it again. There must have been something on my finger. Something wrong with my meter. Prick different finger. Stupid middle finger always gives bad numbers. Put glop of blood on test strip. Shoot! Other recent hole is still bleeding and making a mess. Do mantra, “please be low please be low” while meter comes up with the number. Better but still high. Well there goes the day.
I spend the rest of the day, whether I like it or not, figuring out what went wrong, how I can fix it, and what it might be tonight.
Such is my life. It’s ruled by numbers. And honestly, most likely always will be.
BUT! I like to think there is a payoff for all of this number nuttiness. (Princess is makin’ lemonade once again with all these lemons!) Unlike the boy whose number I memorized and who never called, there is a light at the end of this tunnel.
One day there will be a time when these numbers won’t rule my day. Yes I will always have to check but one day I will only have to monitor my blood sugar once a day. Maybe even once every other day. Someday I’ll get on the scale not to worry about losing yet another pound but to make sure I’m still maintaining. And that my dear readers is the reason for my current number obsession.
There is a light at the end of this tunnel. Which hopefully isn’t a freight train.
