The tree is down.  The Santa’s and Snowmen are packed away for another year.  The wallets are bare.  The jeans are tight.  (oh so tight)  The mailboxes are full of junk mail and bills instead of Holiday cards.  Winter break is over (THANK YOU LORD!) and so are the two day work weeks.

The holidays are all over.  So… um, now what?

This is the part of winter I hate.  The part I most dread.  I look at the looming dark cold days of January and February ahead and want to cry.   I would very much like to become a bear and hibernate until spring. 

Does anyone else hope that Obama makes Valentine’s Day and St. Patrick’s Day national holidays so we don’t have to wait until Memorial Day for our next paid day off?  Especially since THAT ISN’T UNTIL MAY!?

I know I complained before but now… I kinda want it all back.  I want the parties and the anticipation.  I want the Christmas cards.   I want the Christmas music!  I want SOMETHING!   How long can I get away with saying “Happy New Year!” before people start giving me the stink eye?

You know what?  NO!  Part of declaring 2009 as My Year means I refuse to be down in the dumps.   Even the January Dumps!  2009 being My Year doesn’t mean it starts in March.  I get the WHOLE year!

There are some fun things happening this month.  I have some good friend’s birthdays to look forward to, a Superbowl Party and of course 1.20.09.  Did anyone else just hear the angels sing?

So yeah!  Did you hear that January!?  You can suck it!  Same goes for you February!  Yeah I’m shaking my fist at you!  You won’t get me down this year!   You won’t tarnish my 2009.

Who said the Holidays are over?  Well they aren’t the boss of me. 

There are PLENTY of holidays coming up.  Good holidays!  Important ones!

Therefore, I’m going to pull myself up by my snowboot straps and give President Lincoln the best birthday party he has ever seen. 

And don’t even get me started on the Groundhogs Day!  I wonder where I can get some groundhog lights?

I might not make it.  This year might very well be the year the holidays take me to the light.  Christmas might actually do me in.  For good.

Between the crowds in the malls for last minute shoppers like myself, the traffic on Madison’s already congested little streets or the weather, ugh the weather… it’s not looking good. 

You know when people say, “Wow, another storm is coming.  Are we going to make it?”  From now on, I’m going to look at them square in the eye, with a stone hard glare and say in my most serious voice,  “No.  I’m not going to make it.  But thank you for asking.”

Seriously!   On top of all the snow we already have, we are supposed to get another 10-12″ over the next couple days. 

That’s another FOOT OF SNOW PEOPLE! 

Where is all this snow going to go?  How can we possibly have more?  

Will the Mayor start asking the good citizens of Madison to store the snow in our freezers? 

Will we all be responsible for taking in and making room for snow?  

Will small animals and children ever be found again?

It’s all too much to bare. 

So dear readers, if you don’t hear from me for a few days, look under a snowbank.  I might be there with the small animals and children.  

Or perhaps you’ll find a flattened form of myself in the Toys R Us parking lot after being trampled by people who just got the last Lego Star Wars DeathStarShipTracker for 20% off.

Or maybe, just maybe, you’ll find me rocking in a fetal position, under the Christmas tree, sucking my thumb and muttering over and over again “Is it January 2nd yet?  Please let it be January 2nd.  Please.  I want January 2nd.”

Until then, may you each have a very peaceful and Happy Merry Joyous Kwanzaa/Hanukkah/Solstice/Christmas!

Twas the night before a snow storm, when all through the city
Many a plan was cancelled, which was such a pity.
The snow plows were waiting in the garages with care,
In hopes that Blizzard 2008 soon would be there.

The children were dusting and waxing their sleds,
While visions of a Snow Day danced in their heads.
With Ben in his jammies, and I on the ‘puter,
We sat and we waited, and couldn’t be cuter.

When on the TV there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my Facebook to see what was the matter.
Away to the living room I flew like a flash,
To watch the weather reporter with the really bad mustache. 

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a snow emergency in Madison.  Oh my!  Oh dear!
Eight inches! Nine inches!  When would it stop?
I sure hoped the news anchor’s head would not pop!

With a little old snowflake, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment this storm made me sick.
More rapid than eagles my curses they came,
I whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Goddamnit!  No More!  You Son of a Bitch!
I Can’t Stand This Winter You Evil Old Witch!
Snow on the top of the porch! On the top of wall!
Now melt away! Melt away! Melt away all!”

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The hail and the ice.  It was all of the proof.
As I looked out the window and saw the snow shine,
I went to the kitchen to pour some more wine.

The piles of snow came down in huge clumps,
With a realization of this storm, on the couch I did flump..
But my son was quite happy and had a big grin
As he exclaimed to his mother, “Don’t worry, we’ll stay in!”

He put on his Santa hat and looked like an elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

I gave into the storm and turned on the fire,
While Ben continued to bound.  Would this boy ever tire?
But soon he too was swayed by the notion and theory,
That there would be no school tomorrow, which made him so cheery.

So no homework was done and no lunch was prepared.
And for me, perhaps even work might be spared.
So Mother and Son exclaimed with all of their might,
“Happy Snow Day to all, and to all a good-night!”

IS A DSL MODEM THAT WORKS!!!!

Mine died on Monday.  Just died.  Buh bye modem.  Thanks for the time we had together.  May you rest in peace.

My internet provider was understanding and sent one out right away.  It actually did arrive yesterday but since I wasn’t there, because WEIRD!  I work!  THE MAILMAN DIDN’T LEAVE IT!  

Instead he left one of those evil notes that basically say “Nah nah nah… I was here and you weren’t so you lost out and I still have your modem…”

So this morning I left a sweet little note on the door that went something like this:

“Hi Mr. UPS Man.  Happy Holidays.  If you know what’s good for you and don’t want a lump of coal in your stocking, for everything that is good and holy in this world, LEAVE THE MODEM AT THE DOOR! I MEAN IT!  Leave the modem and slowly walk away from the door.  Thank you and again, Happy Holidays.”

Now everyone please close your eyes and pray for a Christmas miracle that Princess Mikkimoto and her youngster are once again roaming the great halls of the World Wide Web at 6pm CST tonight.

Otherwise for the fourth night in a row we will be forced to TALK to each other and read books.

Saturday night I met Shelly downtown for a mutal friend’s birthday party.

There was a girl in the group who looked so familiar but I couldn’t place her.  It was driving me crazy!

Me: I know that girl from somewhere.

Shelly: Well she has hung out with us at Badger games.

Me: No… I don’t think that’s it.  Is she from Madison?

Shelly: Yeah, but she’s super young.  Like 24.

Me: Huh.  Maybe I used to babysit her. 

This revalation made Shelly almost spit her beer across the bar.

Me: No really.  It’s like I remember her being young.  I think maybe I really did sit for her.  You know… I should go up to her and say “Would you do me a favor and say, ‘What time are my parents coming home?’ or ‘I want another cookie?!’  I think I know you from somewhere and just want to be sure.”

Because I like being out in public with my friends, I did not go up to this girl and request her to speak.  But I so wanted to.  

And I think I’m on to something here.  I should write a book about this!  Be on Oprah!  Make millions!

The next time you see someone who looks familiar but you just can’t place them, go up and ask them to do something that will jog your memory. 

Perhaps they need to yell something at you. 

Maybe a make-out session is in order. 

Or in my case I might ask a guy who looks familiar, “Hi, will you do me a favor?  Yeah, I think we know each other but I’m not sure where I know you from.  So could you please say to me in your most sincere voice, ‘I’m sorry.  It’s not you.  It’s me.  This is just a bad time for me right now.  Please don’t call me again.’”

Today, I was on my death bed.   Today the West Black Bird Flu Nile Plague almost took me.   I saw the light out of the corner of my eye.  It might have been the nightlight in the bathroom, but regardless, there was a light.

A few short hours ago, there was an elephant who took permanent residence on my face and chest.  There were razor blades that went down my throat every time I swallowed.

Life, as I knew it was soon to be over.

It’s a good thing I’m a normally very healthy person, because as you can see it’s all about the drama when I’m under the weather.  The wimpiest guy has nothing on me.  Not only do I have a flair for the dramatic, but I’m the type that will literally walk around my apartment wrapped in blankets clutching my Kleenex and muttering to myself,  “Oh my god, I’m so sick.”    Really, it’s a wonder I’m single.

Even though breathing through my nose wasn’t my strong suit, my eyes looked like two piss holes in the snow and I could have flown Santa’s sleigh with my big red nose, I still managed the strength to make it to my hair appointment this afternoon.  W.B.B.F.N.P be damned!  Missing a hair appointment is just something that can’t happen.  Was I bleeding?  No.  Was I ejecting bodily fluids?  Nope.  Then I had no excuse.  Hell hath no furry as changing my appointment with my guy.  I might never make it into the rotation again.   Gasp!  The Horror!

It’s truly a fate worse than having the elephant on my chest never find another home.

Gratefully, I am not going to let this disease take my life.  I am rebounding.  Perhaps it’s the fantastic hair (the face still looks like shit) or the sheer excitement in me to watch Edward and Bella on the silver screen tomorrow night, but I’m happy to say I’m on the road to health. 

Let’s just hope I can get the nose to quit its water works performance so tomorrow I’m not known as Bozo instead of Becky.

Dear MySpace,

Hey.  How are you?  You doing OK?  I hope you aren’t too lonely.  

I know, I haven’t been around much lately.  It’s just… well this is hard.  But I feel I should be honest with you.  The reason I haven’t logged onto you recently is because… well… um, you have sorta been replaced by another Social Network.   Facebook.

I know it’s hard to hear but I can’t help my feelings.  Facebook is just SO FUN!  It’s not that you weren’t fun in the beginning.  You were THE BEST a couple years ago.  It was great to check out people’s sites, see what they put on their bullentin board, listen to their song of choice, or respond to a comment or two. 

But MySpace?  How can you compete with being kidnapped, flinging food and being Super Poked?  Not to mention being able to comment on other’s statuses.  That in and of itself is too much fun.

 Dave Friedman at 5:32pm November 8

Say hi to Barack for me.

 Ann Carothers at 6:28pm November 8

hehehe…

 Josh Kramer at 6:58pm November 8

sorry…Im busy…raincheck

Now instead of logging onto to you in the evenings, I’m stuck flinging kiwi fruit at Steve, cupcakes at Janine or pizza at Shelly.  Ann, now she’s a tough one.  As soon as I throw rigatoni at her, she back throwing lollipops at me.  And those are sticky! 

Also do you really expect me to ignore all the quizzes that Facebook has to offer?  How can I get through the day without knowing which 80’s movie I’m most like??!? 

The other thing, MySpace, is that so many more people are on Facebook.  It’s, well, sorta cooler.  I’m sorry, but you just aren’t the “it” thing anymore.  You have become the trashy version of the online social networking world.  It’s not really fair because now that I have reconnected with friends from elementary school and high school; not to mention finding old boyfriends who are now bald and married, I’m hooked.

OUCH!  Sorry.  Leo just threw Michael Phelps at me.   You wouldn’t understand.  It’s a Facebook thing. 

Anyway MySpace, I guess this is goodbye.  Until you are easier to navitgate, don’t give me a virus every time I log into you, allow me to have my blog networked through you and let me throw Barack Obama at my cousin, this is the end of the line.

Thanks for being my first Social Network.  I’ll never forget you.

Hugs and kisses,

Me

So yeah…  Hi Internet.  What’s up?

Oh me?  Yeah, nothing’s new.  And that’s the problem… NOTHING. IS. NEW!

Is anyone else out there suffering from major Election Withdrawl?  Of course I’m thrilled with the outcome but now I just find myself at a loss and not sure what to do with myself.

I keep searching endlessly for the next debate.  Surely TV Guide must be wrong.  Didn’t Johnny Mack want TEN townhall debates?  Since there was only one of those, where are the others???

I’m like Paula Cole, but instead of singing “Where Have All The Cowboys Gone…” I’m singing, ”Where Have All the Yard Signs Gone…”  Bring them back!  I miss counting how many Obama signs there were from our place to my parents.

There must be some poll to study needlessly.  Right?  Where are the exit polls?  I NEED SOME POLLS PEOPLE!!!!  And I need more plumbers to make fun of. 

Forget the October surprise.  I want a December Surprise!   And no, I don’t mean what’s under the tree.

You can’t string me along for almost TWO YEARS and then just have it be over.  SNAP!  Just like that.  In ONE NIGHT!?!  Don’t we recount any more?  My god this one was over before my bedtime!  (Again, NOT complaining about the results…)

Having the election over is like Rip Van Winkle waking from a year long slumber.

“Who are you little boy?  MY SON!  Holy shit.  I have a kid.  Huh.”

“What is that over there?  A washer and dryer you say?  Odd.  What’s that for?”

“Weird this refridgerator thing has no food in it.  How did that happen?”

I suppose there is no denying it.  Now that Election 2008 is over it’s time to get back to my life. 

Which I will do, right after I read the wonderful Newsweek article about our 44th President,

and make sure my countdown to Bush’s Last Day is accurate.

Princessmikkimoto: Dell?  DELL!  Are you there?

Dell: …….

Princessmikkimoto: DELL!  WAKE UP Buddy!  Come back to me!

Dell: Waaa? 

Princessmikkimoto:  That’s right.  Come on back!  There you go….  go towards the light!

Dell:  Whoa.  I’m here.  What the fuck just happened?

Princessmikkimoto: Whew!  I was so worried.  How are you feeling?

Dell: Groggy as shit.  Like I was hit by a Mack Truck.  Seriously, what the hell happened?

Princessmikkimoto: Well, um, I sort of installed a game on you.  A really huge game.  Sorry about that.  I guess I thought you could handle it.

Dell: And who’s brillant idea was this??!

Princessmikkimoto: Um, you know that short guy with the sticky fingers, plays those loud gun games and kicks you when he gets too excited?  Yeah, him.

Dell: Nice one.  Smooth move Princess.

Princessmikkimoto: Well, I’m sorry.   He was just so excited and he saved all his money for this game.  I wasn’t thinking.   I did uninstall it though.  It’s all gone.  Promise!

Dell: It better be!  You know I’m not that strong.  Damn woman!  What were you thinking!?  All the fucking pictures you have on me is load enough.  You think I could handle that game?!?

Princessmikkimoto: Wow Dell.  I had no idea you were such a potty mouth.

Dell: YOU try having a near death experince and see how YOU talk, Missy!

Princessmikkimoto: Ok.  Good point.  Well again, I’m so sorry.  Wanna play Hearts?

Dell: Sure.  But not online.  I’m still weak.  Can’t get on the World Wide Web just yet.

Princessmikkimoto: I understand.  I’m just glad to have you back you Old Fart you.

Dell:  Watch it.

As I mentioned previously, my addiction for reading has reached an all time peak.  Or perhaps I’ve hit my bottom.   I absolutely can not stop reading Tweak by Nic Sheff.   

Since I have no time for anything else in my life, this blog included, I have a guest blogger today! 

See that cute “Barefoot Books” ad below?  See?  Down there?
Yeah that one. 
Well my dear, life long friend Leo (really we have been friends since FIRST grade) is a part of Barefoot Books.  Since I also love this company, I was happy to host a banner for her.

As Leo writes:

Barefoot Books is a small, women-owned, independent publisher that creates award-winning children’s books. Barefoot is committed to enhancing multicultural understanding, supporting global conservation, and promoting the benefits of childhood literacy.

I run a small home based business as an independent consultant for Barefoot, while raising 3 young boys. As a Barefoot Books Stallholder, I provided a traveling bookstore (home, school, and community), and an online store for shopping or fundraising.  I run a wide range of events including school book fairs, story-time/play-dates, festivals, markets, vendor fairs, expos and home parties. I also have earned the status of Team Coordinator, coaching a national team of Stallholders with their Barefoot Books careers.

At Barefoot Books, we celebrate art and story that opens the hearts and minds of children from all walks of life, inspiring them to read deeper, search further, and explore their own creative gifts. Taking our inspiration from many different cultures, we focus on themes that encourage independence of spirit, enthusiasm for learning, and sharing of the world’s diversity. Interactive, playful and beautiful, our products combine the best of the present with the best of the past to educate our children as the caretakers of tomorrow.

Huh?  I’m back on?  Shoot!  OK, just one sec… almost done with this chapter….

OK!  I’m back!   So yeah, there you have it.  Take a look at her website, buy some books for your kids, or friends and um…. ah…..

Whoa!  Sorry!  God THIS BOOK!  I’m telling you! It’s THAT good.  

So yeah.  Go Books!  And Go Barefoot Books!  and rock on!