The other day at work, while I was listening to my Madonna radio station on Pandora, Michael Jackson’s (ya know because he and Madonna were BFF’s) “Beat It” came on.

When we heard “don’t be a macho man…“  it got Josh and I talking. No one uses the word “Macho” anymore. Seriously when was the last time you heard someone described as “Macho”?

For those of you that are awesome-70’s-Lingo impaired, Wikipedia describes “macho” as “A person who is overtly masculine, hence the Spanish word Machismo”

This word is truly fantastic but has sadly fallen by the vocab wayside.

Therefore, just like Justin Timberlake brought “sexy” back, I’m bringing “macho” back.

It’s going to be all the rage. I can see it now! Tween’s all over will be describing the hottest guy at school as “Macho!” Rappers will be saying their new hot ride is so “macho!” The cell phone airwaves will be flooded with text messages saying “U R 2 Macho 4 me”. Applebee’s greatest new appetizer will be the “Macho Nacho”. I might even change my name to Princess Mikkimacho? I think I’m going to make David Hasselhoff the poster boy for this retro word.  Because really what’s more “macho” that this hunk of burning love!?

Clearly I’m going to be very busy with this new campaign. In fact I’m now off to start the “macho” storm on Twitter.

Or perhaps I could work on getting a life and in turn, find something more meaningful to blog about next time.  Until then, sorry but those 2 minutes of your life that you spent reading this drivel are non-refundable.

How MACHO is that?

As I mentioned in yesterday’s Wordless Wednesday, President Obama came to Madison to give a speech on education at Wright Middle School.

To say this was a big deal to Madison is a giant understatement. Not only have we not had a sitting President visit our fine city in 59 years (since TRUMAN!) but Madison has a huge love affair with Obama. WE LOVE YOU OBAMA! See? I can’t even help it. It’s like a political turrets.

So when Wednesday morning came along and my very conservative, very Republican office mate turned to me and said, “Over lunch wanna go see Obama’s motorcade?” Not only did I fall over in shock but I said, as fast as I could so he couldn’t change his mind, “SURE!”

And that, my friends is how Josh and I, stood together in fine bi-partisan form on the street corner waiting eagerly for the President’s motorcade to go by.

It was so exciting! As each minute passed more people came out and the police presence increased. Soon there was a security helicopter flying overhead and police barricading the roads.

I called my parents to tell them to “GET DOWN HERE!” They were only one minute from getting to us when the police shut down the street they were on and they were stuck. However because all the drama was for Obama (wow, I just made that up on my own. Maybe I should be his new PR person…) they both thought it was still pretty cool.

I was on the phone with Matt when all of a sudden we saw police motorcycles and cars cruising down the empty street. “Oh my god! This is it! I gotta go!” I exclaimed as I hung up.

Only to have nothing follow.

My new friends next to me thought we were duped. “You know,” one woman explained, “They have a lot of different routes so maybe he went another way.” And when my mom sent a text saying that the police were letting them turn around and go home, my heart broke. Would there be no Obama for this Mama? (Man, there I go again! Damn I’m good!)

Until out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash. Seemingly out of no where came a flood of black cars with lights flashing. “THIS IS IT!”

Honestly the cars, limos with flags (there were two) motorcycles, SUV’s, vans and an ambulance came so fast I sort of lost my mind. I became that crazy lady who was waving her arms at all the cars at once and yet not seeing a thing.

After they passed as I was still standing there mouth agape and dumb struck, the woman next to me said, “Wow! HE WAVED! Obama waved at us!”

Wha? He did? Um, what? You saw him? Oh yeah, ah, I mean me too.

Josh didn’t see him either but we both decided on our way back to the office that we were close enough and even if we didn’t see him wave at us, he still did. You know, the whole tree in the forest thing…

And that, second to being a 6th grader at Wright, was good enough for me.

(pictures courtesy of Josh’s camera…)

Today I went back to work after being off for what seemed like a month. I rarely take week long vacations and this one was even longer than that! I left work in July and came back almost in the middle of August.

Dudes, work is hard.

My alarm went off this morning at a time that should only be reserved for roosters and the Dunkin’ Doughnut Man. Who gets up this early? Ben and I were both staggering and puffy eyed.

My car was on autopilot going to the office.  Which is good because I’m pretty sure I was still asleep.
When I got to work I realized that I actually HAD WORK to do! LOTS of it!  What? You mean I can’t come in to a clean desk and a Inbox that says (0)? How rude.

Don’t even get me started on a lunch HOUR. Only an hour?  And then back to that office thing that looks like a prison cell cozy room with computers and a fax machine? Why isn’t my lunch at the pool? Why aren’t there lots of kids around me? Where is the concession stand? WHERE IS MY POOL!?

And then there’s the “Having To Wear Pants All Day” rule. Totally lame. And the “Can’t Play Facebook Games All Day” rule. Harsh.

At 1:30pm I yawned and declared “NAP TIME!”  I went to turn off the lights and find my blanket but Josh gave me a weird look, a shake of his head and led me gently back to my desk.

At 2:37pm I looked again at this co-worker guy and said, “So how long does this “Work Day” thing last?”

Somehow I made it. Barely but I did.  However I heard an evil rumor I have to do the exact same thing tomorrow. And the day after that, and the day after that…

Dear Vacation,

I miss you.

Love,

Me

I know I should be blogging about all the wild and crazy things going on in my life (like the laundry that is overflowing, the dust that is an inch thick or the soccer/baseball practices/games I attend…) but I’m just too busy signing up for eHarmony!

This time it’s not because I have nothing to blog about and want to amuse all of you.  No this time, it’s because the Universe told me to. 

In the span of just a couple hours, the big U called out to me.  First, I received an email from my friend Richelle saying that she just met a great guy on eHarmony.  She not only does she like this guy, she actually liked the site!  Richelle is as picky as I am, so for her to say this is HUGE deal.

Then shortly after that, I get another email from a friend of mine telling me that a mutual aquaintance of ours just got married.  Guess where she met her husband?  YEP!

And for the kicker, I got something in my SPAM folder from eHarmony.  If you can’t take your SPAM seriously, well then all hope is lost.

Not to mention, Josh (as in my Work Husband) has been bugging me to finally bite the bullet and subscribe to eHarmony.  Since I want to make him happy by finally getting a damn boyfriend and honestly I’m scared to piss off a Republican, I did it!

So far so good.  Granted I just finished my profile, posted some pics that hopefully don’t scare the lads away and found a promo code for 3 months for the price of one.  But hey, that’s a good start, right?

And what do ya know?  I already have seven matches!  I’m routin’ for you Brad, Lance, Nat, Alex, Richard, David and Ken!  What do ya say fellas? Let’s continue to make 2009 my year and give ol Benny boy a dad!   No pressure…

Wordless Wednesday

As I have mentioned before, I work with just one other guy.  Josh. 

Being the overly social person that I am, at first this was a big transition from my previous job where it seemed they paid me to talk to my vast amount of friends all over the office building.  

Huh.  And yet I no longer work there.  Odd.

Anyhoo!  Then I came here and it was just me and this guy, who I had nothing in common with, in one small office.

But because we are both just kick ass and the coolest people in the whole building, it didn’t take long for Josh and I to become fast friends.   And it didn’t matter that it was just the two of us.

When he would go on vacation for a week or longer, it was hard but I knew there was an end date and therefore I could handle the solitude.

That was then.  This is now.  When Josh’s back went out. 

Even though Josh is only in his late 20’s, he had the back of an 85 year old.  It got to the point where he would shuffle into work and then have to take frequent breaks to lay on the floor of our office just to get relief.  Yes.  Truly pathetic.

After finally getting to the doctor, they agreed that the only solution for him is surgery.   Back surgery.  With a LONG recovery. 

People!  This means I have been A-L-O-N-E, in this small office for 4 weeks now with possibly 4 more to go!  Clearly this frightens me beyond belief.

Sure there are other people around the office building that I can chat with, but they aren’t My Josh.    Things have recently gotten so bad, that yesterday I found myself very engrossed in another woman’s doily that she is hand stitching and asking many a question about it just so she wouldn’t leave my office.

Before Josh had the surgery and was just working from home, I asked him to check this voicemail since I knew he had quite a few messages.   He emailed me back that he would do that right away.  

So when his phone rang, well, I answered it, much like Buddy The Elf.

“HELLO!”  I exclaimed with very immature glee.

“Um, yeah, I’m trying to check my voicemail…”

“Yeah I know.  I’m just being a brat.”

“Right, well let’s try this again…”

“OK.  BYE!”

He’s going to miss me so much. 

It is going to be a very long winter in here.  All alone.   I think I’d better ask my boss when they are coming to pad the walls.

As I have mentioned before, my office is quite small. It’s just Josh, myself and our machines… a fax machine and a printer. Since both are vital for us to do our jobs, they have become part of the family. The fax machine is Fred and the printer, Patty.

Fred is very finicky. If you don’t feed the paper into him just right he screams like a 2 year old having a temper tantrum. Some might choose to call it “beeping” but I call it screaming.

Last week, Fred had one of these fits. Maybe it was the full moon. Maybe it was that Patty just got new toner. I’m not really sure. I just know he didn’t like it when either Josh or I stuffed him with paper.
At one point, he got so mad, he chose to eat a piece.
We were working when Fred started to scream.
BEEP!
“Ugh, now what?”
BEEEEEP!
Josh walks over. “What is your deal today? You have paper!”
BEEEEEEEEPPPP!
CRUNCH! Crinkle. Crinkle.
“Uh oh, that doesn’t sound good.” I say.
Just then Fred spits out only half a piece of paper.
Josh opens the cover and goes in to retrieve the other piece of paper that is still in Fred’s mouth. Josh does get the paper out but Fred won’t give up that easy.
Josh then closes the cover.
BEEEEEEEEPPPPPP!
“You ate it! Spit it out if you don’t want it anymore.”
BEEEEEEEP
“THE COVER IS OPEN BECAUSE YOU SAID TO ‘PLEASE OPEN COVER’!!! Now it’s telling me to ‘please close cover’.
BEEP
“Oh, this is going to be a fun game! Cover is again open. What would you like? Do you want more paper? Are you hungry? Well I don’t know what to tell you. Check drum unit?!? What does that have to do with anything!?”

All the while I am cry laughing at my desk at the power struggle between man and machine.
I think my favorite is when Josh finally really lost it and started to beep in the same exact tone as Fred.

Finally after all was said, done and FIXED, the office was very quiet. I think that was Fred and Josh’s silent male way of apologizing to each other.

Me on the other hand… I giggled about it for the rest of the day.

This is just one of the many reasons, if I won the lottery today I would still come into work tomorrow.

Earlier this week I had lunch with a new friend at work.
This didn’t go over well with Josh.

Josh has been with the company for 10+ years and doesn’t have many friends at work, besides me. And none that he would actually go to lunch with.
I have been here 7 months and have a new friend. But then again, that’s just me.

When I announced that I was having lunch with Kelly, Josh tried to act cool and then just gave up on that one.

Right after singing “Runaway Train” to himself like Michael Scott did on the “Money” episode of the office…

Josh: So where are you going?
Becky: Cheeseburger in Paradise.
Josh: Weird! Me too.

me laughing

Becky: Are you going to sit in your car with your McDonald’s and just watch us from afar.
Josh: Um, yeah. You got a problem with that?
Becky: Seriously, do you want to come?
Josh: No. I have plans. With, um, my wife. We are going to Cheeseburger in Paradise.

30 minutes pass

Josh: You know, you don’t know if she is your friend yet.
Becky: Who? Kelly? Yes I do. I like her. Ergo, my friend.
Josh: YOU DON’T KNOW! She could eat weird or suck on her teeth when she eats … or I bet she smells weird!
Becky: She doesn’t smell weird.
Josh: Well, you just don’t know.

more time passes

Josh: (laughing) I hope Kelly turns out to be the niece of President Bush and doesn’t believe in Global Warming either.

After lunch

Becky: Well that sucked. She smelled super bad, is working for the McCain campaign and made me pay for lunch.
Josh: (smiles) Yeah I bet. That should teach you for cheating on me with another co-worker.
Becky: It will never happen again. At least not this week.

Today at work, a few of us decided to order pizza.

Josh sent out this email:
Here is the pizza plan.
Little Caesar’s
1 pepperoni
1 sausage
1 crazy bed = $4.33 per person
sharing it all with work buddies = priceless

Crazy Bread/Crazy Bed. What’s the difference really?
I love spell check.
Josh had no idea what was wrong until I wrote back:
I can’t wait for the crazy bed! Are we all going to sleep in it or just jump on it?

2 Republicans and 1 Democrat in a Crazy Bed. Priceless!

I have terrible luck with men. Really, it’s just… bad! I seem to have a knack at picking the crazies, narcissists or the ones who are scared by their own shadow. And it seems as if the past six months have been particularly unlucky. Or maybe I’m just seeing this through the eyes of Josh.

Josh is my co-worker. Actually to call him my “co-worker” is putting it mildly. More accurately, Josh = my work. We sit in a fairly small office, and it’s just the two of us in there. In fact it’s just the two of us in this whole small department. If he is gone, I’m alone. Yes there are other people in the building but those are just “Hi, how are you?” people. You get the idea.
Luckily we get along great even though we really have nothing in common. Besides our differences on religion, politics and Global Warming (which I have now forbid us to talk about) our love lives couldn’t be more different. Josh married his high school sweetheart and other than one other girl that he dated briefly in middle school, he has had this one wonderful woman in his life for 12+ years. People, the guy is only 29.
Then there is me. I now laugh at what the Universe has doled out to me as far as my love life goes. But for Josh, watching and living through this has been a painful experience for him as the men in my life seem to come and go. Quickly.

To me, it’s like a clumsy person stubbing their toe all the time. Yeah it hurts for a minute but you get over it quickly. For poor Josh, he’s getting a toe amputated each time one of these so called relationships of mine fail.
This last one might have put the poor guy over the edge.

I really thought this latest guy, I’ll call “Jack”, might have had potential and might have lasted longer than 2 weeks. I even declared before my trip to Seattle “Josh, I think I might be officially off the market!” It was a happy time in our little office.

Until yesterday.
Josh came in Monday morning and said “So… how was the birthday party? “Jack” came right? You guys had a great night, RIGHT?!?!”

There was silence.

Josh: Becky?
Me: Um… no. He didn’t show up.
Josh: WHAT? WHY?!?!
Me: Well, he said he was sick.
Josh: Oh OK. Whew.
Me: Um, but I haven’t heard from him since.
Josh: Uh oh. That isn’t a good sign. What did you do?
Me: HEY! I did nothing! Really! But yeah, I don’t have a great feeling about it either. I’ll email him and see what’s going on.

3 hours later

Me: (sharp intake of breath) What!? JERK! Whatever!!!
Josh: Oh no… What?!
Me: Oh “Jack” and I are really done now.
Josh: NO!!! What happened? Are you kidding? TELL ME EVERYTHING!!!!

Like the stubbed toe, I was upset but was even starting to get over it as the end of the work day approached. At one point I looked back at Josh who was just sitting at his desk with his head in his hands. He said in an exasperated voice and almost talking to himself “I don’t know what to tell you Becky. I don’t know what it is. What can I do but to offer a shoulder to cry on?”

After work I went to the gym and then hung out with my cute kid to dull the pain. The pancakes I made for dinner didn’t hurt things either.

Josh, on the other hand, didn’t bounce back as easily from this one. This morning he came into the office and didn’t say “Good morning” Didn’t even say “Hi.” First thing out of his mouth was “OK I have been thinking about this. The next guy you date, do the EXACT OPPOSITE of whatever you have been doing.”

“OK, and what would that be?”

“I don’t know. Just DO IT!”

I have a first date on Thursday night. For Josh’s sake, I really hope it goes well.