Category Archives: letters

An Open Letter To Madison Drivers

December 17, 2010

Dear Companions of the Road,

How is everyone on this cold winter day?

Please tell me you aren’t reading this whilst driving. You have enough problems behind the wheel without reading this letter while in motion.

So… it’s winter. In Wisconsin. With snow. And ice. Who knew?

Driving is scary. Oh so scary with the snow. And the ice. And the cold. Who can drive in all this cold?

Madisonians. My dear friends, unless you arrived here from Egypt yesterday with your previous “car” being a camel, you have no excuse for the inching along you call driving.  Does your speedometer even register that speed?

I know it snowed on SUNDAY, Lovies and that was terrifying with all that WHITE STUFF FALLING FROM THE SKY! But it was less than 10 inches. And five days ago.

A truly traumatic experience being that it’s Wisconsin and again, who would have thought it would, ya know, SNOW IN DECEMBER?! But I’m asking you to reach into the depths of your soul and grab your inner most strength, conquer that fear and DA-RIVE!!

You see, some of us have places to go, with specific times we need to be there. Communist in nature but that school place has what they call a “start time” and my work? Also with the “start time”.

Clearly this point is lost on you, Driver, who sees a patch of something up ahead and brakes. Hard. Could that be snow!? IS THAT ICE?! Oh, silly me it’s just a sheet of paper in the road. But I better slow to 3 MPH JUST. IN. CASE.

Are you one of those drivers who panics before a hill. A HILL! In which snow once was. Five days ago! Perhaps I should slow down, ON THE HILL. Snow might develop again at any moment. Can never be too careful.

Does the narrowness of city streets due to the snow mountains on either side send you into a panic? Do you rectify this anxiety by saying “screw that lane thing, I’m driving down the middle!”
Yes, the snow piles are sort of like monsters who will eat you alive if you get too close to them, but if you sing Frosty the Snowman at the top of your lungs (preferably with your window open so the snow can hear) and move OVER to your side of the street, the snow mounds won’t get you. Promise. Try it. Please.

And to the woman who was WRAPPING PRESENTS IN THE BACKSEAT OF HER CAR WITH THE DOOR OPEN on one of those said narrow streets, perhaps you could find a better spot to wrap. Just a thought.

My dear Madisonians, it’s quite early in the the season.  In fact Winter doesn’t officially start until next week. I have a feeling we’ll be getting even more snow. And ice. And cold.

So please, I implore you, GET A GRIP, some winter driving therapy, or four wheel drive.

Until I see you on the roads again,

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.
And please don’t forget the gas pedal on the right.

Hugs and kisses,
Me

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letters, OMG she's still talking about the snow?, winter

Ten

May 24, 2010

Dear Ben,

Today you turn ten. Dude! Double digits! So tight yo.

OK, OK I’ll stop. I’m making myself sick not to mention the shade of red you must be turning.

This past year was a great one, for both of us. You continued to excel in school, sports and in height. Seriously, stop growing! Sometimes I do a double take when I haven’t seen you all day. “Who is that tall guy? Is that my kid?”

Silver Slugbug! No slug-backs!

cute kid

I’m not going to do all the “I can’t believe my baby is ten!” because I can believe it. I have watched you grow into the truly amazing boy that you are. I will, however, say that time has flown. When you were just a little fuzzy headed chub who twirled his feet I couldn’t even imagine who you would be at ten.

And I never thought you would be as awesome as you are.

I surely never would have thought you would be this sweet; this concerned for others. You don’t like big birthday parties because you worry if everyone will have fun, who to invite, and what they would like to do.
You were recently torn between continuing with soccer or just sticking with baseball because again you worried about letting your soccer team down or thinking that you would let your, baseball loving, Grandpa down.

Red Slugbug! No slug-backs!

And I sit with you and try so hard to understand because I am not this way. Especially as a child. (You think I got the nickname Princess Mikkimoto because I was selfless and overly concerned for others??)  But not you my sweet boy. So I say “Forget about them. What about you? What do YOU want?” and still it’s too hard for you to answer.

sweet boy

You are not only sweet, you are smart. SO smart. I have given up trying to impress you with my knowledge. Instead, now you are amazed if I know the answer to something.  When I want to watch a program “On Demand” I don’t even try to figure it out. I just hand the remote to you and tell you what I want to watch.

Yellow Slugbug! No slug-backs!

This year for your birthday Grandma finally got her musical hooks in you and got you a guitar, with the commitment of a year of lessons.  (Yes, I had to throw that in. Hey you are a captive audience and now it’s in writing!)

guitar boy 5.2010

She is out of her head happy that her very musically inclined Grandson is finally taking up an instrument (even if isn’t the piano) and will soon learn to read music. Never mind that this electric guitar and it’s AMP are in MY home.  But I too am thrilled to see you have yet another hobby that I know you’ll be great at.

One of the many things I love about you Ben, is how you aren’t just a “one thing” kind of guy. You never have been. You even loved all your stuffed animals equally. You do a lot but you do it all very well.

The other day as Matt…(sorry) DAD and I were taking you to your baseball game but dropping your guitar off at Grandma and Grandpa’s house first, you were walking out in full baseball uniform with the guitar on your back. It was the coolest image; one I won’t soon forget as it perfectly captured who you are.

Blue Slugbug! No slug-backs!

My present to you for this birthday was equally as cool. I got you a dad.

It often brings tears to my eyes when you talk about your “Dad” with a twinkle in your eye and a sense of ownership.

DSCN2271

Your dad.
You’ve never had one of those before.

When I see the two of you at the computer screen laughing at the same stupid YouTube video, or throwing around the ball in the park it still catches my breath. There are truly no words. But who needs words when I can see how happy, calm and assured you are lately.

Green Slugbug! No slug-backs!

This age will have many milestones, but there is one in particular I will touch on here and then not again. My days of devoting a whole blog to one of our cute conversations or something silly you did are over. It seems right that at age ten you get to live your life out of this spotlight.  You have said more than once lately, “Don’t blog about this, Mom.” You no longer think it’s cool or cute and I respect your privacy. In fact, Ben, I respect you.

I know this isn’t your eighteenth birthday and that I still have at least eight more wonderful years with you under my roof, but for some reason ten feels big to me. So as you continue to grow and become more independent I just have one small favor.

Don’t forget about me and these arms that will always hold you, protect you and be there to catch you.

Always.

No questions asked.

love

Happy Birthday, baby!

Love,
Mom

p.s. if you were counting that was FIVE Slug-bugs in this letter!  Therefore I’m winning 5-0!

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Ben, birthdays, letters

A Letter to Ann Amazing Producer

May 17, 2010

Dear Ann,

Participating in Listen To Your Mother was way more than I thought it would be. Being part of the cast forever changed me. I now see my true calling! My purpose for living!  It’s clear as a bell that this Princess’s place is on the stage. Under the lights! I should have heeded this call after being in the chorus of “Guys and Dolls” in 1985 but I ignored it.  But last Sunday? It was all resurrected!  It was such a rush, a high!

Except there is one small problem in this new dream of mine.  You might be the only person on earth to ever cast me.  Therefore, my dear friend, I have come up with some other great show ideas for you. Because really? Who can wait a whole year for Mother’s Day to come around again? Especially since this past Sunday instead of being under the lights and hearing the roar of a live audience, I was cleaning dirty underwear.  And no one was cheering.

So without further ado, I give you:

Don’t Listen To Your Father – Readings by Madison Writers on Dealing With Those Ridiculous Husbands and their Cute Ideas on Parenting.   Father’s Day at the Barrymore!

Four Jew Lies – Readings by Madison Writers on The Lies our Jewish Mother’s Told Us.  July 4th at the Barrymore!

This Baby Is Coming Out of Where? – Readings by Madison Writers on Giving Birth.  Labor Day at the Barrymore!

A Tree Grows in Madison – Readings by Madison Writers on Treehugging.  Arbor Day at the Barrymore!

Such A Turkey – Readings by Madison Writers on their Most Embarrassing Moments. Thanksgiving at the Barrymore!

I Counted And I Don’t Have Eight Presents!  - Readings by Madison Writers on Not Being Jealous of All the Christian Kids. Showing for all EIGHT DAYS of Hanukah at the Barrymore!

Resolution Schmezalution - Readings by Madison Writers on Failure to Make Goals. New Years Day at the Barrymore!

Love Stinks – Readings by Scorned Madison Writers.  Valentine’s Day at the Barrymore!

Tight Pants – Readings by Madison Writers on Those Last Ten Pounds.  Fat Tuesday at the Barrymore!

and finally…

Listen To THE Mother - Readings by Environmentalist Madison Writers.  Earth Day at the Barrymore!

The original LTYM was such a success and you were such a great producer, director, marketer you could totally pull these off.  With me by your side.  Or perhaps after the restraining order you enact, 100 feet away at all times.

So CALL ME! You have my email right? And my cell? Oh wait! What about my home phone?

I’ll be waiting…

Signed,
A Nutjob Is Born

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Becky has lost her mind, I actually AM Jewish, letters, Listen To Your Mother

Chili’s Repsonse

February 12, 2010

Since I did everything aside from marching right into Chili’s headquarters and bonking them on the head with their new menu, lo and behold they got back to me!  Not only that but now they have added their vegetarian menu download right on the menu page.

The truth is the woman I have been communicating with from Chili’s corporate is really quite lovely.  She has been very funny and responsive.  (Notice how “funny” gets the headliner over “responsive”? We know what’s important in my book) This little experience made me realize that we are all just trying to do our best, right?  Although I don’t regret getting on my vegetarian soapbox and calling Chili’s out on their lack of meat-free choices, I also realized, as with everything in life, if I don’t like it I can just think my thoughts and move along.

Before I hitch my wagons get along little doggy, I wanted to give Chili’s their time in the Princess Mikkimoto sun.  So without further ago (or more terrible cliches)

From K @ Chili’s…

I did want you to know that we do hear you and understand your frustrations with the limited vegetarian menu at Chili’s. We do try our best to create choices for everyone – but it is hard to please all diets, lifestyles, etc… We do actually have vegetarian choices on the menu (Black Bean Burger is the most popular) and it isn’t putting any server or cook out to ask for other options. In fact, we hope you ask! We want people to get what they want. We encourage you to ask, modify or do whatever you want to get what you want. And we do even have a “meat-free” soup, but depending on the restaurant/location, some soups are not actually on the menu – they are considered soup of the day. Those are either noted at the front or your server can tell you the options. The reason – simply to regionalize the offerings. Each restaurant may have soups that do better than in other areas. So we let them make the call. The downside, its not always listed.

We did change up our menu recently where our Guiltless items are spread throughout the menu and that includes some of our vegetarian options. Sorry if those weren’t clear. We are taking the feedback in and seeing if there are some places for improvement. But that is what happens when we change stuff up.

And we do have all of our vegetarian, allergen and nutritional info on our website if you ever need anything. Most restaurants have this info in-store as well, but sometimes you do have to ask for it. I know that is not as visibly accessible, but we try to make it available in places where people are researching their options.

Usually, once your inside, it’s better to ask your server. They should know what they have available at that location and what alternatives they can get you. Like I said, some locations have regional menus and some are even franchised and have more variations.

I hope this gives you a little understanding and tips when dining out. If you have any questions, please let me know… Thank you!

So there you have it.  Like I said I appreciate the concerted effort on Chili’s part and who knows what the future will bring.  Perhaps one day I will walk through those red pepper doors and enjoy a black bean burger, Chili’s style.

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Going Vegetarian, letters
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