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An Open (and REAL) Letter To Chili’s

February 1, 2010

Dear Chili’s,

On Saturday January 30th my boyfriend, son and I chose your restaurant to dine in. We had many choices that evening but specifically chose YOUR establishment. (This information will come in handy later).

Our first (this is foreshadowing…) disappointment was that you no longer offer the “2 for $20″ special. We got over that piece of bad news and carried on like champs. But you should really recondisder bringing that deal back. It was a good one.

The second disappointment was your new menu. You see Chili’s, about a week ago I decided to no longer have meat in my diet. I would happily go into the reasons why I chose this way of eating but something tells me you won’t really care. Some like to call leaving meat out of their diet being a vegetarian. Ever heard of that? Apparently not since as I looked and looked at your new menu, I noticed you HAVE NOTHING VEGETARIAN on there. Seriously, NO. THING!

I asked my boyfriend, “Hey, do you see anything that I’m missing? Everything on here has meat doesn’t it?” To which he replied, “They have salads.” Me: “All with meat.” Him: “Well what about soup?” Me: “THEY ALL HAVE MEAT!”

In case you guys are too busy killing cows and chickens to buy a calendar, it’s currently 2010, not 1943. People of my kind are plentiful. In fact in Madison WI, we are everywhere. Damn Hippies! Rumor has it there are even people who don’t eat CHEESE! OR EGGS! OR MILK! You might want to look it up. Just sayin’…

Because I am a good mother and girlfriend and have a New Years Resolution to not throw fits in public, I ordered a side salad and french fries. It was a very sad and boring sorry excuse for a meal.

After our dinner I said to our very nice waiter, “Excuse me, do you realize you guys have no vegetarian options on your menu?” He smiled and said “Yeah sorry. There isn’t much. But there is a Black Bean burger.” I looked at him confused as did my boyfriend. We picked up the menu on our table and showed him that in fact there was no Black Bean burger on the menu. “Weird,” he replied. ”Well there is a Sweet Corn soup that has no meat in it.” Again we proved him wrong. No corn soup on the menu. Clearly even your servers aren’t aware of your fabulous new menu.

So dear Chili’s, even though you were once a favorite of ours, we will not be returning. You have the choice to not put vegetarian options on your menu and I have the choice to not be your customer.

Also you should also know I am one of those annoying “Mommy Bloggers” and I will be cuting and pasting this letter on my website. I’d be thrilled to post your reply to my site too if you are so inclined to write little ol me back.

Until then Chili’s, you can keep your Baby back Baby back Baby back ribs and stick ‘em where the sun don’t shine.

Veggie love from me to you,

Becky princessmikkimoto@gmail.com

**I tried to send this letter to Chili’s via email. They have no email address on their website. I tried to fill out the form on their contact page but after many attempts it never was submitted. So my only hope was to direct the link to this post on Twitter and their Facebook page. Customer service fail… again.

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Going Vegetarian, letters

An Open Letter To The Carriers of My Life

January 22, 2010

Dear Veins,

I have a huge blood clot to pick with you. Not all of you. Just the ones in my arms. Femoral, you are off the hook – this time.

Remember earlier this week when we were going to donate blood to the Red Cross and do some good in this world? And remember how we LOVE to give blood because a lot of the people we know can’t give, but we can. We are lousy with the stuff and NORMALLY it’s very easy for us. And then remember how this time you decided it would be so fun to play hide and seek with the nice Red Cross lady?

Seriously Veins, SO. LAME. 1) You guys are 37 ALMOST 38. That’s too old for such childish games. 2) She didn’t know you were playing so she was all “YAY! I found a vein!” and then STUCK me so hard that I may have cried a little and you were gone.

The Phlebologist said you guys are deep veins. Don’t get a big head, it doesn’t mean you are Bob Dylan deep, it just means you are annoying and hard to find. She also said maybe I was dehydrated but you and I both know that is complete bunk. No one drinks as much water as me.

I know the real problem… you guys have gone soft. Sissies! You’re all “Ooh we don’t want to get stuck with that pointy silver thing again. It hurts. Waaa. I know, let’s be total stupid scaredy cats and hide.”

Well you know what you stupid tubes? You guys have it so good in there. Did you know there are people who shoot DRUGS right into veins like you? Yep, it’s true. But me? I rock. I rarely poke you, your best friend O Positive is full of iron and don’t even get me started on the plentiful amount of oxygen flowing through you like a river.

Do not even think for a minute that I’m going to give up “Our Thing.” Oh hell no! Guess who’s going to make an appointment with the Red Cross as soon as these bruises on BOTH arms heal? So stop being such complete ninnies and give it up! There are people in Haiti who need us.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to write a letter to Jackie at the Red Cross apologizing for the grown woman who cried like a three year old on her watch. It was quite awkward and I need to make sure Jackie doesn’t give up on the good work she does just because she was in the wrong place at the wrong time with a woman who clearly needed a good cry. On a Red Cross trailer. Shudder.

Love (sort of, because I’m still mad)

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don't mind me i just write here, letters

A Letter To the End of a Decade

December 28, 2009

Dear 2009,

Hi sweetie. I’ll make this short since I know you are on your death bed. And for that I’m truly so sorry.

When you were just a twinkle in Father Time’s Eye I declared you “My Year” and whoa, you didn’t disappoint. I knew we would be close friends but I never expected you to present me with an engraved “Becky + 2009 = BFF 4eva” necklace.

The minute I rang you in, you were a good time. Last New Years was the best I have had in years. Shortly after I moved into a fabulous new apartment, and My President was inaugrated. And that was just the first month!

During you I got letters from lonely prisoners, got my finances finally in order, had a fun carefree summer, and maybe most important of all, finally met him.

untitled

badger game2

matt and i

And for that 2009, I’ll forever be grateful.

Hey, before you join the other years in Past Year Heaven, since we are so close and all, do you think you could put in a good word with your baby brother 2010 for me? Since I still have bruises from your bitch Step Sister 2008, I think I deserve one more fabulous year. Pretty please?

See ya on the other side 2009. And hey, thanks again! I’ll never forget you.

Love,
Me

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2009 is my year!, letters, life, The B.F.

a letter to balloon boy

October 16, 2009

Dear Falcon,

Hey kiddo, how ya doing? Hopefully you can answer that question without throwing up.

Listen Fal, I’ll make this short since I’m sure you have gotten quite a bit of mail in the past 24 hours; not to mention I know first hand how slow a 6 year old can read.

Anyway, remember yesterday when we all thought you were stuck in a space ship/Jiffy Pop/balloon thing? Remember how I literally felt sick thinking there was this scared little kid being tossed around some cockamamie aircraft 7,000 feet up in the air? Remember how I stopped breathing when that balloon finally hit the ground? Remember how you weren’t IN said balloon? Remember how I was sure I was watching history in the making?

Yeah that was fun. Good times. Because guess what? All the while you were NAPPING! In your garage! Not that I blame you for hiding from your very scary dad. I would too. Hey, good news is in just 12 short years you will not only be out of that house, you can legally change your name.

But Falcon…until then, next time your dad wants to use you for some bizarre publicity stunt, just say “NO!” Little Guy! Just say no.

Oh and also if you wouldn’t mind telling good ol Pop, that in addition to all the other fines he is going to accrue from the Colorado Sheriff’s department, the National Guard and the countless other people that wasted their time chasing a big Mylar balloon all over the Denver area, he owes me two hours of my life back.

Take care Falcon. And good luck buddy!

Love,

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balloon boy, letters