July 1981

Father and daughter rode their bikes down to the Memorial Union on a warm summer day. This wasn’t a new or special event as it was something they did on a fairly regular basis.

They parked their bikes and went inside to get ice cream. Again, nothing new. Taking their ice cream over to the pier and dangling their feet as they ate. They talked about the boats, about the clouds while they licked and licked. The girl knew that the best part of the ice cream was always the end. That very last bite.

When the girl finished her cone she looked up at her father and asked a question she was sure she knew the answer to, “Can I have another one?”  Of course her father would say “no.” It was a shot in the dark. A totally absurd request.  She knew all this but something in her nine year old body had to ask.

To her utter surprise her father looked down at his daughter, with a mischievous look in his eye and said, “Sure!” as he got up from the dock and started back towards the ice cream stand with his absolutely gobsmacked kid running behind.

January 2010

“Any requests from the store?” she asked her son. The only thing on his list? Ice cream. Cookies and cream ice cream to be exact.

She came home with apples, bananas, string cheese but no ice cream. “That’s the only thing I wanted,” he said in his best Don’t-Whine-You’re-Big-Now voice. “Oh shoot, Buddy. I’m sorry.” She replied knowing that she knew she forgot something. “After dinner tonight we’ll go to the store and get some. Promise.”

As they were leaving the restaurant she was deep in thought about the week ahead, the friends they just left, and life in general, when a little voice from the backseat said, “Don’t forget about the ice cream, Mom.” Of course she had forgotten but she promised and he was so good through dinner, she made a bee-line for the store.

Inside they looked and looked for Cookies and Cream only to come up with a poor second choice. While in the check out line, he looked up at his mother and asked a question he was sure he knew the answer to, “Can I get a candy bar?” Of course his mother would say “no.” It was a shot in the dark. A totally absurd request. He knew all this but something in his nine year old body had to ask. To his utter surprise, his mother, remembering a very similar time 30 years prior, looked down at her son with a mischievous look in her eye and said, “Sure! In fact, let’s get two.”

**********
As my father doesn’t remember the double ice cream day, I too shall forget that night in the grocery store. But I have a feeling Ben never will. The look on his face, his under-the-breath-mutter of “this is the best day ever!” and his physical skip to the car tells me he’ll not only never forget but he’ll make a memory like this for my grandchild some day.

Many moons ago (13 years to be exact) when I was going through a massive nervous breakdown hard time, on Sunday nights I would write in my diary a list of the things I could look forward to in the upcoming week. No matter how big or small, it was something that kept me going.

Thankfully life isn’t even in the same galaxy as it was when I was 25 and living in that depressing one bedroom apartment that was so close to the Minneapolis airport I could only catch 15 minutes of Friends due to the planes taking off and landing.  But still with this winter Never Ending and the new 9 inches of snow we just got, I thought I could use a list.

I’m going to call it Gratitude Tuesday. (You know…between this and Wordless Wednesday, Thirsty Thursday and maybe even a Frugal Friday this blog might soon turn into just a template. I can leave behind the days of having to THINK and be CREATIVE. I’ll have the Mad Libs of blogs. “The (noun) of (a type of royalty) (person in the room)“)

So here are my Top Five Reasons to Feel Grateful this week and therefore stop mopping around in my snow boots.

1. This year I actually have a real valentine on Valentine’s Day, one who isn’t required to love me because of blood ties.

2. My toothache turned out to be absolutely nothing but a popcorn kernel stuck.  (TMI? Maybe but this is my list.  Make your own list and censor it.)

3. When we got an invite for my nephew’s birthday party which happens to be at the exact same date and time as Ben’s baseball game, my boy said of his own free will, “Family trumps baseball.”  Clearly I’m doing something right with this parenting thing.

4. Lost is back and on tonight.  That is all.

5. It’s environmentally impossible for winter to last too much longer, right? Even if the answer is no, lie to me.

What’s your list? Maybe if I can get someone tech savvy enough to help, I’ll get a Mr. Linky thing going and we can all share our Gratitude Tuesdays. (Yes, that was a HUGE whopping hint for someone to help me. Please and thank you.)

Recently, with being on Twitter 24/7 often, and being at Cupcake with all those cute new moms, I have been much more exposed to the Mother of Today than before and I have to tell you, I’m amazed.

Actually, I’m in awe. Open mouthed gaping, jaw dropping awe.

When Allison over Twitter asked, “Ok, mommas, do I REALLY have to not give my baby any WHEAT products until he’s 1 year old?” I assumed she was talking about giving her six month old a loaf of wheat bread with bologna on top. Only to find out the poor woman was talking about CHEERIOS!

CHEER-I-OS!

The safest thing out there? God’s gift to a mother of an infant? Hell, Ben had Cheerios 20 minutes after he was born.  “Here’s your baby ma’am. Would you like to give him a bottle, breastfeed or just start on Cheerios?”

My mom used to throw a handful of Cheerios in my brother’s crib in order to get 15 minutes more of sleep when he was 6 months old. And now the medical world is trying to take away the heaven that are those little O’s from sleep deprived MOTHERS?! Madness.

This insanity got me thinking about how much things have changed in the last ten years. I feel like one of those old fogies saying, “I walked to school uphill both ways under a constant blizzard” but really, times, they have a changed. 

We aren’t in 2000 anymore, Toto. When I was baby rearing Ben there was no co-sleep.  Or if there was co-sleeping it sure wasn’t talked about much.  In 2000 it was best to put your baby in his huge crib down the hall.  The advice I got?  Roll up a towel to make the crib feel more snug rather than having this baby feel like he was sleeping in a California King.  Instead of sleeping with my child, I slept with the baby monitor. 

I never wore a sling.  In fact I thought, until recently, they were just for broken arms. I did once use this backwards backpack like contraption but it was so complicated and confusing that after an hour of trying make it work, we were both sobbing.

Ten years ago we weren’t worried about the quality of our plastic.  In fact I MICROWAVED his milk in PLASTIC BOTTLES!  Gasp!  And I mean he’s fine.  Sure there is that twitch and a third ear growing but really, he’s so fine. 

Don’t even get me started on vaccinations.  No one talked about autism or mercury. It was more a concern of who is going to hold his legs while I held his arms.

There was organic food but it wasn’t on every aisle in the grocery store and I swear there was no organic baby food, at least for this lady who whipped through the grocery store, coupons in hand praying the baby would be happy with his pacifier and the Jazz Hands entertainment. 

So my Carrie Bradshaw question is, if I had a baby in 2010 would I be a different mother?  I often wonder what Ben’s baby years would have been like if his mother had Twitter, this blog and Facebook, instead of asking advice to Hope on “Days of Our Lives”.  (She never did tell me how hard it was with Shawn-Douglas.)

Maybe these things were always around to those that weren’t stuck under rocks called “I’m Doing This On My Own, SAVE ME!”  Maybe I’m more open now and therefore seeing things differently.  Or maybe there is just more for the 2010 Mother to choose from and information to access. 

Regardless, to the mothers of today and women who will be the mothers of tomorrow; I tip my hat off to you and bow gracefully out of this race.  For I have my own pre-teen with the eye rolling so large it effects the tides.  And just try to rip the Twitter, Blog World and Facebook out my hands.

For the past few days I have been reading all my fellow Cupcaker’s blog posts about their experience from the weekend. I should have realized when you go to a BLOGGING convention you are going to be surrounded by talented writers but these posts knocked me off my enlarged-by-cupcakes butt.

The truth is, I can’t stop thinking about this conference/retreat/hangout. My mother always says that if you go to a movie and you find yourself thinking about it in the days afterward, it was a GOOD movie. To that adage, this was a great weekend.

To be honest, I was excited for Cupcake but I didn’t really know what to expect so I was guarded. I also admit I did some prejudging beforehand and was worried I wouldn’t have much in common with many of the women there. Like I posted on Monday, I had a great time and was truly blown away from meeting these women in person but when I left on Saturday night I didn’t feel regret at not staying the night or even coming back on Sunday.

Well that was then. This is now.

Now I find myself obsessed and melancholy. I can’t stop reading these women’s amazing blogs, whether they are recapping the weekend or just talking about the injustices of the world. I can’t get off Twitter. I can’t stop looking at the Flickr pool. I am trying desperately to get Madison Cupcakers together in February.   Thank god I have no plans to go to BlogHer.  If I can barely handle my feelings for these 28 women, think of what would happen to me after being exposed to 1,000 some bloggers. 

And I feel such regret. 

I so badly want a “Do Over!” I want to go back to that lodge in the woods and spend the night. Or at the very least go back Sunday morning and have coffee with these women. I want to pick their brains more. I want to snuggle their babies. It’s like that “Too Nice” boyfriend that you took for granted, now he’s gone and all you can keep thinking is, “What did I do? And how do I get him back?”

But I know this isn’t Back To The Future and I can’t go back.  I can, however, and will keep nurturing these Cupcake friendships via their blogs, email and Twitter.  And in addition, I will use all the gobs of inspiration they have given me.  By reading their posts the Writer’s Block that has been crippling me for months has broken wide open. I lay awake at night writing blog after blog in my mind. Granted I can’t remember jack the next morning but just that feeling alone is wonderful.  I’ll never have the talent that so many in this group have but watch out Cyberspace, consider yourself warned. 

So my lovely Cupcakers, until we meet again… I bought this page a day calendar to keep me in cupcakes for the next 351 days.

This past Saturday found me at my very first Blogger Convention; Cupcake. Although, as many other more experienced Cupcakers explained, this was really more of a “hangout retreat” than a stuffy convention. Whatever it was, I’m hooked. Sign me up for more!

I knew I had hit the big-time when I arrived. Here I was mingling with all these wonderful women whose blogs I had recently become addicted to.
Not to mention everyone TOTALLY knew me. “OH MY GOD! Can I touch you? Are you really the famous Princess Mikkimoto? Where is your crown?” 

Ok so maybe that only happened in my dream the night before but I was pleased when I introduced myself as “Becky” got a polite but blank stare and then promptly said, “Princess Mikkimoto?” to which the awkward look became a smile and a “Oh yeah! HI!”

Heather, Steph and Allison booked the most gorgeous lodge for the weekend.

There were 30 women who attended from all walks of life. Some wore their babies,

some took pictures

and some just ate, talked too much and made sure the Cupcake wine didn’t go to waste. (raising hand sheepishly)

Even though I was only there for Saturday, I met such amazing inspirational women. Some old friends (Ann, you aren’t OLD I just knew you beforehand) and now some new. Some close by, and some (sadly) far away.  (There are so many fantastic blogs that I didn’t have room for on this post. For the full list of Cupcake 2010 members head here.)

It was a wonderful day and one I’ll always remember. So will my ass from all those champagne infused cupcakes.

Oh and thanks again for the awesome swag bag.  Someone got really into it.  Literally.

See you all at Brownie ‘11!

**These beautiful pictures are courtesy of the amazing Crooked Eyebrow. Except the one of The Punk. That’s all me.

Dear 2009,

Hi sweetie.  I’ll make this short since I know you are on your death bed.  And for that I’m truly so sorry. 

When you were just a twinkle in Father Time’s Eye I declared you “My Year” and whoa, you didn’t disappoint.   I knew we would be close friends but I never expected you to present me with an engraved “Becky + 2009 = BFF 4eva” necklace. 

The minute I rang you in, you were a good time.  Last New Years was the best I have had in years.  Shortly after I moved into a fabulous new apartment, and My President was inaugrated. And that was just the first month!

During you I got letters from lonely prisoners, got my finances finally in order, had a fun carefree summer, and maybe most important of all, finally met him.

And for that 2009, I’ll forever be grateful.

Hey, before you join the other years in Past Year Heaven, since we are so close and all, do you think you could put in a good word with your baby brother 2010 for me?  Since I still have bruises from your bitch Step Sister 2008, I think I deserve one more fabulous year.  Pretty please?

See ya on the other side 2009.  And hey, thanks again!  I’ll never forget you.

Love,
Me

Thanksgiving is one of my top 3 favorite holidays. It’s in the fall – love fall. It’s centered all around eating – I’m a big fan of The Food. And it’s a day that is about hanging out with friends and family watching football. No gifts allowed.

Therefore, as I did last year, I feel it only right to mention a few of the things I’m thankful for this Thanksgiving 2009.

• I’m thankful for that 2009 really was my year!
• I’m thankful for my boy who brings me continual joy and still puts up with his embarrassing mother.
• I’m thankful to PlentyofFish.com for introducing me to the love of my life. (Yes. He really is)
• I’m thankful for finally getting on Twitter as my love for the Tweets is so strong I can’t go an hour 5 minutes without checking to see what’s up.
• I’m thankful that today I’m having a good hair day since I’m meeting much of Matt’s family for the first time.
• I’m thankful the Octomom isn’t my mother.
• I’m thankful for all my friends.  Old and new.  Real and virtual.
• I’m thankful for the cutie kids I baby-sit that after I tuck them into bed at night I know I won’t see them across the breakfast table in the morning.  Go Team IUD!
• I’m thankful my son has no interest in High School Musical or Miley Cyrus.  By the grace of a higher power he actually has great taste in music (Coldplay, The Killers and Owl City to name a few.)
• I’m thankful for the cranky-old-man-who-is-actually-younger-than-me-coworker who makes me laugh every day and actually makes work fun.
• I’m thankful in this economy I even have a job.  That I love.
• I’m so thankful I have this blog as an outlet for all my crazy thoughts. Otherwise, my head would explode and crazy would be everywhere for someone poor sap to clean up.
• I’m thankful for Old Navy coupons.
• I’m thankful for that glass of cold white wine that greets me so nicely at the end of a long day.
• I’m thankful that after a year of taking off my artificial nails, I finally have strong normal nails rather than rice paper on the ends of my fingers.
• I’m thankful for my cousin/sister/friend.
• and I’m most thankful for all my readers who make me laugh, make me think and show me that you’re still out there…reading. Thank you!

Your turn!

The holidays are upon us. In fact they are so close if you look out your front window you’ll see them getting out of the cab, paying the cabbie about to walk through your front door.

Before they ascend and bring all the craziness that IS them, let me give you some quick survival techniques that have worked for me in the past and hopefully will make the next month and a half not only bearable but maybe even fun.

1. Breathing is important. So do it! Often! Breathe in, breathe out. Slow deep breaths. Hyperventilating and having panic attacks are so Christmas 2008.

2. When you hear the radio ads and see the TV commercials with all the happy people that are so happy that happy holidays are here, remember, they are actors. Who most likely hate the holidays as much as you, and after taping this commercial went home to their drunk fat husband who smells like summer sausage.

3. If you can’t afford it, don’t get it.  Trust me your kid will appreciate dinner 365 days a year more than a Wii.  Same goes with friends and family.  I actually like this time of year but only because I have finally said to friends and family, “I love you, but let’s skip the gifts. Let’s do dinner or just come over for wine.”  I have never known anyone to reply, “Oh can’t we PLEASE spend unnecessary money on each other?? Please?!?!”  Ben especially loves this. Nothing says MERRY CHRISTMAS KIDDO! like a tree with no presents beneath. OK fine. So #3 applies only to friends and GROWN relatives, not the kid.

4. Along those same lines, if this year’s Christmas card is stressing you out, don’t send one. In the past I have turned myself into a pretzel trying to create the perfect card to send out. This year, eh. So not worth it. If I get a cute shot of Ben I’ll send one. If I don’t, between this blog, Facebook and Twitter I’m already so in everyone’s face they’ll probably appreciate the break at the mailbox.

5. Don’t try to be Martha Stewart. There is only one Martha and trust me, she has her own issues. Just do the best you can and make sure your bathrooms are clean. The people coming over are going to be so relieved they don’t have to host in their home, anything will make them happy.

6. When possible, try not to fight the shopping mobs and for the love of everything that is good and holy in this world, AVOID THE MALLS ON THE WEEKENDS!  Do quick errands over lunch or after work. Between now and 12/23 the stores are ugly. Knowing is half the battle.

7. Make a list and check it twice. Know exactly what you are getting (or at least have a couple ideas) before you get out into Retail Hell. Do your research online and then call the store to make sure they have it in stock. This will save your sanity.

8. Don’t forget to have time for yourself. While wrapping presents, open up that bottle of wine, put on your favorite holiday CD, light some candles and just chill. This time of year is for you too damnit!

9. Finally remember the holidays aren’t about perfection. Getting the perfect present, finding the perfect tree, making the perfect meal.  BLAH!  It’s about being with friends and family. It’s about remembering the past year and getting geared up for the next. Let’s put the “Happy” back in “Happy Holidays!”

10. and if none of this works, just throw up your hands, yell “F@CK IT!” as loud as you can, climb back into bed with the covers pulled up tight and know that as each day passes January 2nd gets closer and closer.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Click.

In here it’s warm.
Out there it’s cold.

In here the pillow and blankets have all formed around my body like a symphony of comfort.
Out there I have yet to turn the heat on.

In here I have no responsibility but to burrow further into the covers and ignore the alarm.
Out there I have a child to get off to school, a job to go to and humans I have to converse with.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Hit.

In here my hair is just as it should be after eight hours of molding itself to the pillow.
Out there I have to deal with a very weird haircut that is now overgrown thus making it even weirder.

In here I can force myself to go back to the dream where I’m flying over some mountains with my new pretty pink wings.
Out there I have to get into my old car and with it’s old battery and pray it turns over.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
THWACK!

In here I have to pee. Badly.
Out there is a toilet.

In here I am thirsty.
Out there is coffee.

In here I’m getting sort of lonely.
Out there is Matt.

Out there wins.

Unbeknownst to me, I have joined the circus.  It seems I have become the main event at the Big Top.  My talent?  I spin an obscene amount of plates on these little teeny tiny sticks, making sure not to drop a one.

Lately life has been good.  Really good.  I have a great job that I don’t dread on Sunday nights, a beautiful son who still talks to me at the age of nine and a wonderful relationship with an amazing man who is crazy about me and makes me laugh.

But that doesn’t mean things are easy.

I am quickly learning that it’s all about the balance.  Do we go to the Open House at school or the baseball game?  Do I ask Matt to spend time with me just because I have a sitter, even though he already has plans with his buddies?  When there is soccer AND baseball on the same night, which wins?  Do we attend the family birthday party when there is an Open House AND a baseball game?  Where do we fit in the mellow nights with just the kid and I?  What about those mellow nights with the budding new relationship?  All the while trying not to forget the milk and the ever growing pile of laundry.

Sometimes I do this trick better than others.  Sometimes I snap and all the plates go crashing.  Sometimes I just give in and laugh.  Most often I consult one of my many lists, graphs or emails.  And breathe.  There is a lot of breathing.

While I’m doing all this breathing and making sure not to hyperventilate, I try to think back to the basics.  On each one of these plates is someone I love.  So even though I have issues saying “no” and need to make sure to take time for myself, we’ll all make it work together.  Even with some plates that are chipped or put back together with glue.

Speaking of people I love and some tough plates, I’d like to give a special birthday shout-out to the cutest, most loving, generous and feistiest twins there ever were…

Happy Birthday Aunt Sheila and Mom! We love you!