Category Archives: life

monday morning

Matt is gone long before I wake.

When the alarm sings, I hit snooze through sleep. Soon after the giant puppy leaps into our bed. Something that’s not allowed with Matt there. As he snuggles in, the boy, as if on cue, makes his way into the bed as well. All three of us huddle close until my bladder and time ticking break the spell.

I get ready as Ben dresses, lets the dog out and has his breakfast in his young hurried way.

Stop. I’m not ready for this morning.

With the dog back inside, my boy shouts, “Bye Mom!!” and just like that, we’re down to one.

I send a inside joke text to my husband from the weekend prior.

Don’t forget about me out there in the world.

I finish making myself presentable enough as Eddie lays in the hall outside the bathroom and gives me the quintessential puppy eyes. He understands.

Don’t leave. Please. You’re going to go like the other guys aren’t you?  Don’t leave.

I think of yesterday; my favorite day of the week.

Sunday paper, CBS Sunday morning, coffee, dog park, laundry, reading by the fire, baking, naps, a warm dinner, Amazing Race… doing the whole day together.

Nine short hours later it’s just me and the dog.

I feel sad.

Not because of work but because it will be a full week before I see my boys again. What with indoor soccer, homework, my workout schedule, the busyness of the week, it won’t be until Friday night before we breathe and look at each other again.

The puppy follows me from the bathroom, to the bedroom and sneezes as I spray perfume.

Follows me back to the bathroom, then the kitchen and watches as I make my lunch and get coffee.

His eyes continue to plead.

Not today. Isn’t it a stay home day?

He follows me downstairs to his spot in the mudroom, to sleep and wait for his people to return.

As if on autopilot I’m out the door, like the rest of my family, on Monday morning.

 

I Still Remember

**I originally wrote this post on September 11, 2008 and it’s still pertinent today.  Mostly.  A lot has changed in three years and, of course the ten year anniversary has sparked a lot of attention.  But will it next year? When you’re done here, please head over to Ann’s Rants where she did a much better job at a beautiful tribute.

2008:

Now:

It’s been 7 years and I still remember that morning in 2001 like it was yesterday.
I was in my office talking to a friend about her brother-in-law who I had the biggest crush on.  He had just asked her for my number and I was on Cloud 9.   During our conversation, an employee of mine came in and said that a plane had hit the World Trade Center in New York.  I waved it off because JIMWANTEDMYNUMBER!!!  And I thought this was just some small plane.  It was sad but no big deal, right?

Little did I know.

Since then, the date September 11th has always given me chills.   Whenever something is scheduled for 9/11, I give pause.
However, I feel the same no longer holds true for many out there.  No, I never lost anyone that I knew personally, nor have I even known anyone who knew someone who died on 9/11/01.  And for that I am fortunate.

Whether it’s time gone by, or perhaps because it became such a political issue where the Bad Guys were never caught [until this year. Thank you President Obama], I feel like people are forgetting.

There were many around the office yesterday who were just thinking that today is one step closer to Friday and a pay day.   There was no mention of what this day means to so many.  On Yahoo news, remembering 9/11 was a headline under Hally Berry and Jennifer Aniston.

But for me, I do remember.  And my heart goes out to all the families and loved ones who are grieving today.

Lastly, for all those who say Liberals aren’t patriotic… I, for one, just got done eating my granola and hugging a tree before I wrote this post.

As my grandfather used to say, “It’s my country too God-dammit!”

My Summer Vacation

I’m officially done with my Pupternity leave and happily back at work.

Yes, you read that right.

I don’t do well being stuck at home without the freedom and ease to leave the house. After one day of being a “homebody” I start to lose my mind and my house turns into that scene in Indiana Jones where the walls are closing in. (Or was it Star Wars?)

I have accepted this fact about myself.  I was the same way 11 years ago while on maternity leave. I loved my baby but HOLY HELL GET ME OUT OF THE HOUSE! And yet despite this self realization, I was the moron who took an entire week off to stare at the dog.

Now that I’m safely back at work, I can look back on my vacation and remember it fondly.

It went something like this:

  • Eddie no!
  • Eddie come! Eddie come! Come on puppy! Come!
  • Eddie no!
  • Ouch!
  • No bite!
  • YAY! A lick. OUCH! No bite.
  • Leave it! Eddie, leave it!
  • Eddie no!
  • Welcome home, Honey. Here’s your puppy.
  • Good boy!
  • GOOD BOY! Potty outside!
  • Eddie come! Eddie! Come here!
  • Ben, please take this dog on a walk before I put him up for sale on Craigslist.
  • Good boy!
  • DO NOT WAKE THE DOG!
  • Ben, please let him sleep.
  • I love kisses! Thank you Eddie. Ouch! No bite!
  • Eddie leave it! LEAVE IT!
  • NO! Not my hydrangea!
  • You are the cutest thing I have ever seen.
  • Good boy Eddie. I love you. Ouch! That’s my nose!

Matt is home with him this week. Good boy, Matt. Where they will have normal summer weather rather than greenhouse meets sauna that Eddie and I endured.

Matt also gets a much better puppy who is housebroken, doesn’t chew the shower curtains (oh wait, he still does that) and can handle being in his crate for a few hours (meaning that Matt can go out, and ya know, do things!)

And because the Universe is quite the comedian, after being at work for two days, that grass on the other side is sure looking green.  Which is why I ask Matt to give me 30 minute updates on what Eddie currently considers a chew toy.

Thank goodness for five o’clock.

That Which Doesn’t Kill You Still Hurts Like Hell

They say “whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.”  Well I’d like to punch “They” in the face.  Of course moving during my mom’s surgery with my sweet son’s 11th birthday all within a week of each other won’t kill me but I really don’t need to be any stronger.   After the past year, I could squash He-Man like a bug.

I look back at the wedding and our house hunting and laugh in the face of what I used to call stress.

My mom, my best friend, my confidant, my daily 2pm call, my rock is having open heart surgery the day after tomorrow.

I’m scared.

We’re all scared.

She is the oak tree of this family.  The big tree that we all dangle from.  We need her.  And we need her to be well.

She is a mighty woman.  I have gotten all my strength from her.  But still, I’m scared.  We’re all scared.  And PLEASE don’t tell me “everything will be OK” because you don’t know that and in this case, it doesn’t help.  Instead just pray/think/light a candle/dance whatever you do – and do it on Thursday morning at 8 am.

In the middle of all of this we are moving.  The movers come on Saturday morning at 8am (what the HELL is with everything happening at 8 am?! I curse you EIGHT AY EM!) and we are not even on the map of being ready.  Unless movers like to come into a home with boxes half full and piles everywhere.  I have lost track of what’s trash, what’s being given away and what I’m fruitlessly trying to sell on Craigslist.  The place where we are sleeping, which is no longer home, is beyond depressing.

Our real home is being painted and looks amazing.  However it’s taking longer than expected which means dollar signs that don’t exactly fit into the budget.  We’ll make it work.  We have no choice.

And through all of this life goes on.  Orthodontist appointments, soccer games, baseball practice… life.

My neck is once again concrete, I am breaking out like a 13 year old girl and at night my body craves the release from reality so it passes out cold.

I’ll get through this.  We all will.  It won’t kill us.  But I won’t feel stronger at the end of it, either.  I’ll feel relived, exhausted and grateful.

Until then I’m just working on getting through this hour.  Just sixty minutes without throwing in the towel or having a temper tantrum taken out on the freezer (which may happened to a “friend” of mine).  All the while dancing and doing Jazz hands for my son that everything will be awesome for his birthday even though Grandma will miss it for the first time, ever.

So dear friends, although I’m not a fan of organized religion, I believe strongly in the power of positive energy, healing thoughts and the power of this here blog.  If you could muster some of those prayers for my dear mom on Thursday, I’d appreciate it.