I didn’t end up going to Minneapolis. My body checked the “no” box on this trip.
Thursday night my bag was packed, the GPS was set, the car full of gas.
But also on Thursday night my mind would not shut off.
Instead of sleep I tossed, I turned, I watched Chelsea Lately, I practiced my breathing techniques that are clearly quite rusty since they didn’t work worth a hill of beans, and then I panicked. I worried that I would have to drive four plus hours alone while not feeling well and being totally exhausted.
Therefore, after a totally sleepless night it was decided this was my body’s not so subtle way of saying, “BE STILL!”
Friday morning I emailed my friends and hunkered down at home with my boys for three days of no plans. Even though I was proud for not pushing myself, I discovered that a full weekend with no plans also gave me anxiety. Again I realized how big my problem was. We have been on the go so much that I’m not even comfortable without Saturday and Sunday being filled to the brim.
So I breathed, made some coffee and promptly got addicted to a new Facebook game thereby successfully turning the weekend into a quiet, relaxing and downright lazy time.
This weekend was also eye opening.
I know I have said this before but this time I really mean it. Once the current commitments are done, gone will be the days of weekends with no downtime and weeknights with back to back activities.
Instead of just seeing an open spot on the calendar and plopping something in, I will actually look to see what is surrounding that new activity. I will also not try to do it all myself. I’ll ask for help and accept it. I’m not alone anymore. My mental health, my physical health, my family needs a break.
Even though I’m sad I missed the conference, missed meeting some amazing women and that sleepless night was quite upsetting, it all happened for a reason.
As I write this Matt is at Ben’s baseball game, without me. I’ll do soccer on Wednesday.
My life bonked me on the head again but this time with enough force for it to hurt.
And this time, I listened.
Missed you this weekend but so glad you are taking care of yourself. We’ll catch the next time around! Hope you are feeling better now.
Becky, I’m really, really proud of you for doing what you needed to do. It takes a lot of self-awareness to hop off the hamster wheel of life sometimes. Good for you. Don’t ever give up putting yourself and your family first.
Yours in anxiety and rage and understanding.
xo
Good for you Becky. I too am having a similar problem, but I went from single and hardly anything on the calendar, to a new relationship with someone who has two kids and a calendar that is now full. It takes time and practice to get that balance. I know you will find it.
Sometimes the smartest thing we can do is listen to our bodies. I missed you but I’ll see you sometime!
Pare’s signature is priceless.
I am right with you, and feeling tested every day about the places I have decided to cut back on.
Picking the most important things means taking a break from other very important things that we don’t necessarily WANT to take a break from, but ultimately yes do.
Kind of mourning some of that myself right now.
One of the hardest things for any of us to do is know our limitations. I know this going to sound lame, but did you ever read Eat Pray Love? I’m reading it now (didn’t see the movie) and she talks a lot about stillness and quiet and nothing, and how important those are. Glad to see you are taking care of yourself.
I was wondering where you were! So sorry you weren’t feeling well, that you couldn’t sleep. I know how that goes.
But you are right. A quiet moment, no matter how small, is so much better than a jam packed weekend!
Thanks everyone! Comments like yours are the reason I blog with honesty. I heart you all!
Saying no to something is often the best thing we can do for ourselves.
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