In an effort to have a Valentine’s Day that doesn’t include a single 36 year old woman spending the night with her parents and her kid, eating obscene amounts of Peeps, I once again have thrown myself into the Online Dating fire and joined Yahoo Personals. Queue the angels singing.
And let me tell you Internet. It has already proved to be, in one word, AWESOME!
Allow me to introduce to you the three fine bachelors who have been courting me as of late.
Bachelor #1 is a 40 something from North Carolina. When he IM’ed me and I noticed his user id was “FaithSeeker241″ I was hoping that meant he was looking for his long lost dog named “Faith”. I soon learned that wasn’t the case after he introduced himself, told me I was beautiful and then asked if I had found God. To which I replied, “You know, He’s just not that into me. Please, take care.”
Bachelor #2 is a 45 year old man who’s only source of income is playing poker. This fella, according to his Facebook page (which he invited ME to… NOT the other way around) goes out more than I did my junior year of college. Which let me tell you, was a lot.
His status updates have been known to be things like “_____ is just waking up” which was posted at 3:31 pm on a Wednesday afternoon. Or “____ is drunk already.” This was posted at 11:50 AM on a Tuesday morning. Isn’t he dreamy?
In addition to his Animal House behavior, his fine fella has been known to wear t-shirts in his profile pictures that say such refined statements as, “Boobies Make Me Smile.” and “Drunk Chicks Dig Me.” I’m sure they do #2. I’m sure they do.
And finally, I save the best for last.
Bachelor #3 is a 46 lovely from Beloit WI. His one and only heartfelt, romantic, educated message to me was “i was thinking you were really cute, until i seen u date blacks”
To which I replied, “And I was thinking you were a real loser especially when I saw that you’re a racist.”
So there you have it Internet. Who do I give the rose to? How can I possible pick between all these great choices?
Perhaps I’ll find another honey when I’m out tonight with My Person. We are going to dinner at my favorite restaurant, which I had to strong arm her into. One of the many reasons she is My Person. But I’m also sporting my new fabulous hairdo that would make Katie Holmes shake in her Scientology Boots with sheer jealously.
So… fingers crossed. Here’s hoping I meet a 41 year old ex-convict, who still lives with his mother and has a foot fetish.
LOL Sorry, I’m laughing WITH you. Didn’t I tell you there would be comedy involved if you did this? Wow…those are some frightening choices. My sympathies!
Wow that is hilarious and so sad at the same time. I never did have much luck with online dating. Hang in there! Your prince is out there
Linda, I sort of blame this on you! Wasn’t going back on Yahoo your idea???
Oh and tonight, well tonight was some serious blog material. I swear if it wasn’t for my readers, I would have no fun at all….
Oh, it is not nice to make a pregnant woman laugh so very hard!
Funny, but sad. Perhaps you could go trolling the zoo for single dads?
That’s a good idea Missy. Nothing says “Love is in the Air” like the smell of animals.
Danielle, sorry! Hope your “water” didn’t break.
your responses are hilarious.
i love that God is just not that into you.
[...] when I wrote the post about my lovely dating life? Remember how I said Bachelor #2 was on Facebook? Remember how I put as my Facebook status that [...]