Love From The Big House

My computer recently decided that I have loaded too many pictures and therefore I am no longer worthy of uploading nary a photo.  Just like a good Jewish grandmother it seemed to say to me, “Beckala!  Enough with the pit-chas already!  Just write to the nice people!  OY!” 

Since posting pictures of the family birthday soiree was out of the picture, I quickly developed a severe case of writers block.

Until I came home this afternoon to find the Holy Grail of Blogging material in my mailbox.  Yes readers, today the Writing Gods shined down upon me.   I received the elusive, the heard of on “20/20″ but rarely seen, Prison Love Letter.

At first I was freaked out and beyond puzzled when I saw the envelope with my name, my new address and in the corner, His name and the address of the Columbia County Jail.

My poor little brain worked overtime.  Who do I know in the clink?  Did I meet someone this weekend that had a brother in jail?  Did Ben’s Sperm Donor move to Wisconsin and change his name to Anthony?  Before I could even get my coat off, I tore open the envelope to find not only a page and a half hand-written letter but also a picture of my new love.

I can laugh now and write about this with ease but at the time I was FREAKED OUT!   Therefore I called My Person as fast as my fingers could find her on my speed-dial.  In our bi-laws it clearly states that letters from prison are worthy of the immediate and frantic phone call.  Since she didn’t pick up right away I had to call my parents, my friend Janine and half the state of Wisconsin.  My parents were concerned but Janine, who used to be a parole officer laughed and said “File this under ‘Great Stories To Tell’ and don’t worry..”  So I knew this couldn’t be that big of a deal.

While I waited for Shelly to call me back, I decided to carefully read the prose of my new love.   It seems he “received [my] name and information from a close friend” of his.   He continued to say, “Please don’t be alarmed because no harm is intended.”  Well, whew!  In that case, sign me up, Hot Stuff! 

My new friend of course didn’t commit any violent act to land him in a state penitentiary.  No, he “decided to try and get rich the fast way!  As you see, it was a foolish and poor decision!  A lesson learned.”  He also would be much obliged if I not only wrote him back but sent a picture. 

Finally Shelly called me back and informed me this stuff has happened to her many times in the past and not to worry.  She even had phone calls from prisoners.  Lucky girl.  She also informed me that I shouldn’t write him back.  Well phooey!  Since Yahoo clearly isn’t working out I thought perhaps this was my answer.

But sadly #264004 I’m not the girl for you.  So good luck to you on your speedy release from the Slammer.