Nine

Dear Ben,

Today you turn nine.  This simple fact makes me stop dead in my tracks and have to do the math.  How is this possible that nine years have gone by?  It seems like just last week I was changing your diaper while singing “Little Ducky Duddle” where immediately upon the end of the song you would sign for “more”. 

My sweet, funny, smart, athletic boy.  We have had quite a year you and I.  Some amazing and some really heart wrenching times.  Through the latter, I’ll never forget how you held my hand or rubbed my back and said in your most grown up voice, “It will be OK Mommy.  You always have me.”   You were so strong and sure even though you had no idea what was going on.  Someday I’ll tell you what that was all about, but for now, I just thank you.  I thank every day that you are in my life. 

We moved this year and even though it was a really good move, it was hard on you.  Harder than I thought it would be.  Since you have become so much my partner, I think I sometimes imagine you are older than you are.  Therefore, I just assumed you would be as excited as I was and neglected to realize that for an eight year old boy, this was an almost traumatic experience; one where I should have been more sensitive to your feelings.  And for that I’m sorry.   Once I finally “got it” (with much help from your Grandma) I let go of my control and let you unpack your room at your speed.  Which by the way, 5 months later, I think you’re almost done.   Nice work Bud.

This was also the year that you took off in school.  You now read long chapter books with zeal.  You love comics and your Sports Illustrated magazines.  The math problems you do are already over my head.   I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you are a better student than I was in third grade.  Just another reason you rock.

Ben, you are the definition of love.   If I had a nickel for everytime someone said, “Ben is such a good kid.  What a sweet boy he is.”  Well, we’d have enough money for many Wii’s.  You not only take care of your little nieces and nephews, you take care of your grandparents, your friends and your mother.   You recently said that you are going to go to the University of Wisconsin for college so you can be close enough to take care of Grandma and Grandpa.  While this notion makes my heart swell with pride, I also want you to know you have already taken care of us all.   In nine more (very short) years, it’s time for you to take care of yourself.  I got this one. 

Also this year, the athletic bug in you exploded.  In addition to soccer (which you have become freakishly good at) you started Little League.  I have never seen you have so much passion for something in your little life.  (Besides perhaps that horse phase you went through at age two…)  You can’t wait for practice.  When practice is over you play catch in the backyard with Grandpa.  When I come to pick you up after work you beg for me to take you to the batting cages.   And as for the games, whoa, watch out.  In your special way you have made not only me, but your Grandma and Grandpa a bundles of excited nerves right along with you.  We are the three that go to every practice and every game.  I will follow you anywhere, especially on this sports train.  But only if you are still having fun.  Once it’s no longer a joy, that’s when we get off. 

You no longer sleep with three nightlights, now it’s just down to one.  That first night when you only turned on one you turned to me and said, “Hey, I have to grow up sometime.”   Well stop that!  Because now you no longer sleep with me either.  Unless of course you give me that sly smile and yell “Sleepover!!!” as you jump in my bed.

To say you and I are close is such an understatement it makes me laugh.  Are you close to your arm?  Are you close to the air that you breathe?  The lungs that take in oxygen?  That is how we are.  And this last year just made it that much more so.   Recently you went away with your best friend for a weekend.  As much as I was happy you were having a blast and I’d be lying if I said being Ben-less for a whole weekend wasn’t sort of freeing, I missed you so much it was a physical pain.   Our apartment sucks without you.  Therefore I have decided that you won’t really ever grow up and we’ll go to college together?  Fun, right?

I know I say it every year but really, this is my favorite age.  It’s one where you are caught in the middle of being a super cool guy who calls your friends “Dude” and yet still the little boy who wants to snuggle with his mom after a bath.   I hope you never lose that need for affection from me or the need to sometimes just be little.  Because I guarantee, I will never lose the want and need of being there for you. 

Happy Birthday, Baby.

Love,
Mommy