The Clouds

Wanna hear a story?

Once upon a time there was a young girl living in Minneapolis.  It was the summer of 1996 and the girl was 24.  For the very first time in her life, she was living in her own apartment without roommates.  She was a little nervous but excited about this big change.  Unfortunately that summer, the good times didn’t last long.  It seemed that all at once her friends began to move away from their once tight circle in Minneapolis.  One went to Colorado to run the “Taste of Colorado”.  One moved to Chicago for work.  One moved to Omaha, also for work and yet another moved to Phoenix; for her now husband.  The girl found herself all alone.  All alone in her now creepy and sad apartment. 

She began to have panic attacks.  She didn’t know what they were and was so afraid that she didn’t tell anyone about what was going on.  She thought she was going crazy and if anyone found out what was happening they would lock her up in the loony bin.  Forever!  Therefore, the panic attacks turned to depression.   A deep seeded, sunken into yourself, painful depression. 

Things got so bad, the girl eventually stopped eating.  Her stomach was in such knots from the anxiety and depression that there would be days when all she could eat was a banana; which took 45 minutes to get down.   It got to the point where she was buying Ensure in order to get some nutrients in her and hopefully stop the dizziness that stemmed from not eating.

Finally, her friends at work noticed something was off.  This once happy, go-lucky fun girl was now just a shell of her former self.  The girl’s boss took her into the office and asked her to call a help line that was a service though work.  When the girl got home that day she made the call.  It was an action that changed her life.  She spoke to a man on the other line who knew exactly how to help her and put her in touch with a group and a wonderful therapist who helped her deal with the dark clouds in her closet. 

The girl, happy to be diagnosed as not going crazy and just dealing what so many people go through, dove into therapy and self help.  And finally, late that fall, she started to feel like herself again.

Ever since those dark summer days, 10 years ago, the girl never takes happy moments for granted and tries in any way she can to help others that suffer from the cruelty of depression and anxiety.

This girl is now a woman and a mother who much of the time is happy.  She tries to remember to take her medication every day; even though sometimes she thinks she doesn’t need to.   Occasionally, however, a dark cloud comes around again and rears it’s ugly head.  The woman knows it’s only temporary, knows what it is and luckily doesn’t panic anymore.  Instead she puts her head down and pushes her way through the cloud… until she is on the other side where the skies are blue. 

This woman is blessed to have a boy that makes her laugh and friends who can tell when it’s overcast for her.  At those times they pat her back, either virtually or physically, and say “Is your depression bad?  Are you taking your meds?”  and the girl smiles, thanks God for them and says “Yes.  I am.  And I’ll be fine soon.”

I promise this blog will get back to it’s regularly scheduled funny antidotes of bad hair, questionable parenting and crazy dating stories soon.  I just have to wait for the skies to clear and the weather pattern to change. 

To anyone out there suffering, know you’re not alone.  Even those funny, seemingly always happy people are working through their shit too. 

Hang in there.  I am.